As his first day of school approached, we held our collective breath waiting to see how the school would react to us. And I’m happy to say that so far, so good. Max loves going to school. And we love sending him. The teachers are warm and attentive. The parents are young, diversified and seemingly progressive. They’re more concerned about raising money for fieldtrips than the fact that Max has two dads — which means they clearly have their priorities in order. But that doesn’t mean there haven’t been some uncomfortable moments along the way that make us keenly aware of our differences.
Let me be clear — we’ve experienced no discrimination whatsoever. But is that enough? Should we be satisfied with not being discriminated against? Should we accept that or should we aspire for more? It’s like when people throw out the word “tolerant” — I don’t want to be tolerated. I want to be embraced and accepted like everyone else. The door between LGBT parents and public schools has started opening, but I’m wondering if now’s the time to push it open all the way.
On the first day of school there was a special assembly to welcome all the new students and their parents. We looked around and noticed that no two kids looked the same. It was a beautiful melting pot of colors, cultures and nationalities. We got to meet other parents and chat with teachers. At the end of the assembly the principal read a book entitled “The Kissing Hand” about a raccoon that doesn’t want to go to school. The raccoon’s mother ends up convincing him to go by reminding him about all the fun things that’ll happen at school and by kissing his hand, implying that she’ll be with him in spirit.
Like in most children’s books, the word “mother” was used countless times throughout the story. But the repeated use of the reassuring phrase “mama loves you, mama loves you” was the part that made me concerned for Max. As if those words are the only words that could allay a child’s fears. Was Max wondering where’s the mama that loves him? There was nothing in this particular story that represented his family. And to a broader sense, nothing that mentioned fathers in general. Educators have the responsibility to help LGBT-headed families feel welcome and included in the school community. So you’d think they’d make more of an effort to incorporate more inclusive stories into their curriculum.