[comment 1] In this paragraph, the writer has indicated the importance of the topic and has given a statement, using the first person pronoun, of what she will be doing in the essay.
[comment 2] This is the first main paragraph. Here the student focuses on the aspect of customer service. Notice the use of the topic sentence: “The first aspect to be discussed is that of good service”. This provides a key to the content of the paragraph.
[comment 3] This second main paragraph concerns the need for supermarkets to have good quality products. Notice again that here, the student groups all the ideas into a single paragraph, and that she writes a topic sentence at the start of the paragraph: "A further aspect to be considered is the need for good products." The writer is not afraid to show her own personality: “In my opinion….”, etc.
[comment 4] This paragraph now moves on to consider how a supermarket can make a profit. Several ideas are given. Notice how sequencers are used: “firstly…”, “secondly…”, thirdly...”, etc.
[comment 5] This paragraph provides a brief conclusion to the writing. Notice the idiomatic use of the expression “In a nutshell”. The conclusion only needs to be brief – there is no need to restate everything that has been said before.
[comment 1] In this paragraph, the writer has indicated the importance of the topic and has given a statement, using the first person pronoun, of what she will be doing in the essay. [comment 2] This is the first main paragraph. Here the student focuses on the aspect of customer service. Notice the use of the topic sentence: “The first aspect to be discussed is that of good service”. This provides a key to the content of the paragraph. [comment 3] This second main paragraph concerns the need for supermarkets to have good quality products. Notice again that here, the student groups all the ideas into a single paragraph, and that she writes a topic sentence at the start of the paragraph: "A further aspect to be considered is the need for good products." The writer is not afraid to show her own personality: “In my opinion….”, etc. [comment 4] This paragraph now moves on to consider how a supermarket can make a profit. Several ideas are given. Notice how sequencers are used: “firstly…”, “secondly…”, thirdly...”, etc. [comment 5] This paragraph provides a brief conclusion to the writing. Notice the idiomatic use of the expression “In a nutshell”. The conclusion only needs to be brief – there is no need to restate everything that has been said before.
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