The numbers above likely shock those of us who haven't given much thought to our parents' need for care when they're older. (In New York, the median cost for a semi-private room in a nursing home is over $10,000 a month.) With the costs of long-term care so high—often even more than we might make in a month altogether—the most affordable option might be to care for your parents in their own home or move them into yours. If you have a strong relationship with your parents, it's also the option you might lean towards first, since sending your parents to a home can (unjustly) feel like you've abandoned them. But there are some very important considerations here.
The emotional toll: Being the primary caregiver and living again under the same roof with your parents is an enormous role reversal. Now you're taking care of mom and dad, the people you've counted on for support and strength but whose health and quality of life might be deteriorating before your eyes. Not everyone will have the emotional—and physical—strength needed to provide the day-to-day care, like bathing, feeding, or dressing elderly parents, particularly if they're frail, have a serious illness, or can't remember who you are. It's devastating just thinking about it.
Logistical problems: On top of that: you might not have much room in your home to begin with, you might currently be living and working thousands of miles away, and your workplace might not be very flexible with time to tend to your parents (who could be considered dependents just as much as your kids would). There are a number of sacrifices you might have to weigh, similar to ones parents have to make for their kids, but in some respects even harder.
Financial costs: If your parents stay in their home or in yours, you might still have to hire a home health aide (possibly for thousands of dollars a month) and do home improvement projects that make life easier for the elderly, such as modifying a kitchen with cabinets and appliances that reduce the need to bend or a bathroom remodel that swaps a bathtub or traditional shower with a walk-in shower.
Splitting "the burden": If you have siblings, it gets even harder: Who will take the responsibility? The sibling doing most of the caregiving could easily get resentful of the others, and those who aren't doing the caregiving could feel guilty. In this case, Diane Carbo, RN, suggests setting up a family care contract, in which the family member taking responsibility of the elderly parents gets paid from family funds. This reduces resentment and can offer other benefits: