Dear Puie
I have been sick the last days. After I got the message from you that Daniel don't want to visit me, I was so weak and out of power. I'm still weak.
I understand so much that you and Daniel LOVE eachother so much. But it will not last so much longer, if you not see eachother in real. I know so well. I was in love with the best man. He love me so much. We met one time only. After that we wait for eachother in such a long time. My BF's mother had so much power over him. He was weak. Listen to his mother in everything when he was a man!! It was a shame.
I wait in 16 months. Then I need to feel love and make love. Therefore I understand Daniel so good. Therefore I tell you. Yes, my longings was so strong. I had a good friend as a neighbor. He was single. He know my longings. He offer himself in a good way. I could sleep with him in the nights. He hold around me. I dream I was with my boyfriend. Then he ask if I want to drink beer. And wine. And liquor. I do. Then we make love when my longings was so strong.
Then, after 2 years, my BF visit me, because his mother die. But then I was so angry at him instead of being so happy. I was angry at him because he make me to a whore, and because he torture my nice and true feelings. I want so much to torture his feelings back. I told him about my neighbor. I told my BF that my neighbor make love with me in such a good way. I lie to my BF. I wanted to hurt my BF so much. And I did. He was crying and left me after we seen eachother 2,5 hours. He drive so long.
When he went away, I shouted out that I love him so much. He shout back that he hate me. In the evening the same day, my BF was killed in a terrible traffic accident. He crash his car in a big trailer. They told me it was an accident. He loose the control of his car. He was so good. He never kiss another girl while he wait for me. He was so faithful. He was like Daniel. And I'm so sure that my BF crash his car in the trailer because he WANTED THAT SO MUCH. HE KILL HIMSELF BECAUSE MY LONGINGS LEAD ME TO BE A WHORE!!
Maybe you understand me? Maybe you understand my BF?
Forget to understand both me and my BF. Try to understand Daniel's so true feelings for you, before you have to meet him the first time in his funeral. Daniel are so good and so sensitive. I know it. Therefore I want to take care of Daniel so much, because you don't care.
I hope you understand WHY I told you that you play with Daniel's pure and genuine heart? It's because you in real play with his life.
I regret every day because I was so selfish and egoistic because I go to my neighbor. What I did kill my pure heart and my true feelings. And I'm completely out of order to make love with true feelings. I can't make love. Therefore my BF rape me. I hurt so much after my BF rape me. I hurt so much every time. But I deserve it. Why? Because I hurt my only and true love so much. Yes, so much in 2,5 hours WITH me, and 3,5 hours when he was ALONE in his car. I hurt him so much.
Then I met Daniel on a meeting. He was just like my so true BF. I test Daniel. And you know, he was so true. Then I feel true love again, for the first time in nearly 20 years. Daniel heal my heart by being like my first and only true BF. Daniel can heal my soul and my mind too. I'm so sure. Daniel can heal me if he can be my true friend. I need Daniel so much.
Then you understand much more dear Puie. I mean: I hope that you understand? I think you can be and act so egoistic and so selfish. Why do I think so? Because I was such a «perfect» girl like you. And if I could do so much wrong, and believe that I was perfect, you can also do the same.
I'm so sure, just now Daniel hurt so much being alone. But you will never understand that. Maybe you understand it the day GOD take Daniel home to heaven, because Daniel belong so much in heaven, not among people that believe so much that they are so «perfect». But in real they are so «wrong».
Don't feel sorry of me or yourself, feel sorry for Daniel, before it's to late.
If you don't act right after I tell you this, I will tell Daniel my story. And I want to try to help him WITHOUT sex. If I do, it will heal and help me too. I put the rest in GOD'S hands.
Warm and true regards,