March 31, 2016
I knew something was off so we (me and my sister) decided to stay overnight at the hospital. I want to be with my baby, i had the urge to be with him that night.
Again episodes of desaturation occurs. My heart as well was pounding very hard. I held onto every rosary that I have for strength, comfort and hope. Oxygen levels went up and down as well as his heartbeat. I don't know what's happening or maybe i don't really wanna know on the first hand. His dr came past midnight and was surprised also to see us still in the hospital. I went out of the ICU, i knew that they can do better saving my son than me.
At around past 2am of April 1, 2016 his dr came out from the room and talk to me. The only thing that I heard was "be prepared" and a tight hug from her -- everything else came crashing. She had asked me if i would like to see and hug him, i just nod. I kissed my son all over, i don't know where to start touching him. We use to hold hands together but this time he's not holding back, I can't help but cried my heart out. I asked him to stay, i told him don't leave mama, I told him to hold on and I asked god to please don't take him away from me. This can't be happening, he can't be taken away from me. To be tormented by the thought that we're losing him is unbearable. I beg from all of them to do their best coz I am not giving up. He has a very faint heartbeat and I'm clinging to the littlest hope that i can see. I asked god again to spare him and beg him not to take away my lil boy. I was there with him, I was just a feet away until he took his last breath.....