Note that the first example isn’t terrible or incorrect; rather, it’s better
writing to focus on your readers before you mention yourself or your
organization. Sometimes avoiding the pronouns “I,” “my,” “our,” and
any other direct reference to you or your company forces you to be
more concise and to the point.
For example, in reference letters, it’s common to begin with a reference
to yourself. Look what happens, though, when you avoid doing so.
Instead of “It is my great pleasure to recommend Gregory Jones as a
member of your strategic team. His financial acumen will help the team
calculate ROI and break-even, and his upbeat personality will help keep
a smile on everyone’s faces,” say “Your strategic team will benefit in tangible
and intangible ways if Gregory Jones joins the group. His financial
acumen will help the team calculate ROI and break-even, and his
upbeat personality will help keep a smile on everyone’s faces. It is my
great pleasure to recommend him.”