Seeking the truth
My conversations with him drove to pour over the Quran and the book of the Islamic law , hopping to find something to contradict what he said . I couldn’t change the reality of what I read.
As a Muslim , I realized I had two option:
- I could continue to embrace the “ Christianized “ Islam – the Islam of peace , love , forgiveness and compassion , the Islam tailor – made to fit Egyptian government , politics and culture – thereby keeping my job and status.
-I could become a member of the Islamic movement and embrace Islam according to the Quran and teachings of Muhammad . Muhammad said ,” I left you with something [ The Quran ]. If you hold on to what I left with you , you will not be led astray forever.
Many times I tried to rationalize the kind of Islam I was practicing by saying to myself , well , you are not too far out. After all ‘ there are verse in the Quran about love , peace, forgiveness and compassion . you only need to ignore the part about jihad and the killing of the non – Muslims.
I went to every interpretation of the Quran trying to avoid jihad and killing non- Muslims , yet I kept finding support of the practice. The scholars agreed that Muslims should enforce jihad on infidels ( those who reject Islam ) and renegades ( those who leave Islam ). Yet jihad was not in harmony with other verse that spoke of living at peace with others.
All the contradictions in the Quran were really causing a problem for my faith. I spent four years to earn my bachelor’s degree , graduating second out of a class of six thousand . Then there was another four years for my master’s and three more for my doctorate -- all studying Islam. I knew the teachings well.
In one place alcohol was forbidden ; in another it was allowed . ( Compare Surah 5 :90 – 91 with Surah 47 :15.) In one place the Quran says Christians are very good people who love and worship one God , so you may be friends with them ( Surah 2:62 , 3:113-114) . Then you find other verse that say Christians must convert , pay tax or be killed by the sword ( Surah 9:29) .
The scholars had theological solutions to these problems, but I wondered how Allah , almighty and all powerful , could either contradict himself so much or change his mind so much.
Even the prophet of Islam . Muhammad , practiced his faith in ways that contradicted the Quran . The Quran said Muhammad was sent to show the mercy of God to the world. But he became a military dictator , attacking, killing and taking plunder to finance his empire . How is that showing mercy?
Allah, the god revealed in the Quran , is not a loving father. It says that he desires to lead people astray ( Surah 6:39 , 126 ). He does not help those who are led astray by him ( Surah 30:29) and desires to use them to populate hell ( Surah 32 :13).
Islam is full of discrimination – against women , against non – Muslims , against Christians and most especially against Jews. Hatred is built into the religion .
The history of Islam , which was my special area of study , could only be characterized as a river of blood.
Dangerous Questions.
Finally, I reached the point where I was questioning the faith and the Quran with my students at the university . some of them were members of terrorist movements, and they were enraged : “ You can’t accuse Islam . What has happened to you ? You have to teach us. You have to agree to Islam”.
The university heard about it , and I was called in for a meeting in December 1991 . To summarize the meeting , I told them what was in my heart : “ I can no longer say that the Quran comes directly from heaven or from Allah. This cannot be the revelation of the true God.”
These were very blasphemous words in their opinion. They spat in my face. One man cursed me , “ you blasphemer! You bastard!” The university fired me and called the Egyptian secret police.
The Secret Police Kidnap Me
To understand what happened next , you need to have a picture or how my family lived. My father had a very large home that was three stories tall. My whole lived together in this house --- my parents , my four married brother with their families , my unmarried brother and myself . Only my sister lived elsewhere because she was married and lived with her husband.
The house was divided into many apartment , and we were very comfortable. On the first floor were my parents’ apartment and an apartment I shared with my brother. On the floors above us were apartment for my other brothers.
At three o ‘ clock in the morning on the very same day that the university kicked me out , my father heard knocking at the door of our house. When he opened the door , fifteen to twenty men rushed in carrying Russian Kalashnikov assault weapons. They were not wearing uniforms , just regular clothes. They ran upstairs and all through the house , waking people up and looking for me . I think so many men came in at once so that I couldn’t run away before they found me.
They were all over the house before one of them found me asleep in my bed . my parents , brother , spouses and children were awake , weeping and terrified , as the men dragged me away . Everybody in the area hears the communication.
I was taken to a place that looked like a prison and was places in a cell . In the morning my parents frantically tried to figure out what had happened to me. Right away they went to the police station and demanded, “ where is our son ?” But nobody knew anything about me.
I was in the hands of the Egyptian secret police.