In the FGDs, participants talked freely about the
normalcy of multiple relationships among people in
their age group, even among those in supposedly
serious relationships. Several of the sexual relationship
terms refer explicitly to a partner on the side of
a more serious relationship (e.g., ‘‘creep shots,’’
‘‘thing on the side’’) although any of them can be
side partners. These participants summarize the
ubiquity of the norm of multiple relationships:
Participant 1: That’s the point. You never know.
What, you never sit around and then think:
‘‘He’s cheating on me?’’ In all, he really is. ‘Cause
you really don’t care, because you got to not care
‘cause he’ll do it anyway. You can’t be like that’s
my man and I’m the only one, not in 2004 you’re
not. Trust! Everybody got somebody extra.
Participant 2: Even if you say that you the wifey,
like how we say we got a hubby, we still got our
man on the side. Just like you the wifey, he still
got the other girl on the side. You ain’t goin’ to
never know.
Participant 3: Somebody always got some better
coochie than the next person, so it’s going to
happen. That’s life. I’m telling you. I don’t
believe in that faithful committed junk. That
junk don’t live here.
(African American Females, FGD)
Since multiple partners are the rule, it is not very
surprising that participants indicated a fundamental
lack of trust between current partners and those
entering new relationships. In fact, catching feelings
is considered dangerous and there is a sense that
emotional involvement is risky.
So all that just boils down to the whole big word,
fear. That’s what it is, fear of being in a
relationship. (African American Male, FGD)
In sum, in the FGDs, we found a generalized fear
of commitment and a sense of certainty about
sexual infidelity even in committed relationships
that may be fueled to some extent by the fact that
some sexual relationships, especially secondary
relationships, are driven by the need for access to
resources. Although the terms differ, there are
parallels to findings of Lichtenstein and Schwebke
(in press) from a study of STDS and sexuality
among African American men.Data from the SRIs support the key findings from
the FGDs. Both male and female participants
indicated that catching feelings and entering into a
serious relationship were risky. The SRI datadocument the natural history of young people’s
serious relationships, which numbered between one
and six, and their non-serious, but nevertheless
memorable, relationships which numbered between
one and 15. Life history data document the ubiquity
of multiple relationships even during serious relationships,
which are supposed to be sexually
exclusive. In fact, less than 5% of participants had
ever been in a serious relationship in which neither
they nor their partner had side partners. The
majority (72%), both males (69%) and females
(76%), had a secondary partner during one or more
of their serious relationships, or had a serious
partner who they thought had cheated on them
(males 79%, females 86%). In addition, many said
that they were already talking to someone else
before ending a serious relationship, serving as a
catalyst for ending a current relationship when the
partner finds out or as a motivating factor to move
on once the current relationship grows stale or
becomes otherwise unappealing (e.g., controlling
behavior by the partner, violence, interference from
the baby mama/daddy)—in either case, hedging bets
against being alone.