Effects of Divorce on the Family
A divorce comes with stress. It is legally documenting that two people failed to save their marriage and drifted apart. What if children are involved in that mix? If your parents are distressed by the decision that you have decided to leave your spouse, they may be able to handle it having had strong life experiences.
A pre-divorce house is like a battle ground awaiting for the war to begin, creating a hostile environment at home. Until a divorce is finalized and even thereafter, the spouses get entangled in clashes over the division of valuables and everything else owned or a part of the family which is witnessed and suffered by their children. There goes their childhood downhill. Add to that, it builds a foundation for a society of brittle relationships created by self-sabotaging individuals.
After a divorce, family relationships are never normal. There is a lot of emotional disturbance to every member affected by it. It takes a really long time to truly get over the trauma and confusion about love, life and relationships. The animosity of the past often spills over to the future romantic liaisons of the man and wife as well as their children. One or both partners may face emotional, psychological and financial troubles. The failure of their marriage can often make them feel lonely and rejected. The divorce affects the housing arrangements, health and economic status. In an equation wherein children are involved, custody battles may ensue. Again, a legal settlement may be mutually consented upon but the children stand to miss be deprived of their right to have a happy and emotionally healthy family relationships. A child needs both the parents equally. Parental love and support is a key to the healthy physical and mental development of a child. When a single parent has to play the role of both and fulfill the responsibilities of each while juggling a job simultaneously, it is impossible to do so in the long term as either the career or the parenting will take a back seat. Separation from either of the parents may breed a psychological muddle of issues like insecurity due to abandonment, instability and uncertainty of the future causing extreme mood swings, depression, resentment, suicidal tendencies, promiscuity, substance abuse, inability to trust and/or a lack of ambition in later life.
After a divorce, occasions of merry-making such as birthdays, Christmases and Thanksgivings are never the same with their paternal and maternal extended families that never get together to celebrate again. In a post-divorce scenario, many children are at the risk of losing their emotional bond and becoming estranged from their relatives, neighbors and friends. For teens, the social stigma of a broken family may subject them to the antagonism of their peers at school or worse, they may be pitied which can further add insult to injury. Behavioral problems such as impulsiveness and aggressiveness are common traits amongst the children of divorced couples. The academic performance of the children also suffers. Since every divorce comes at a price, literally, financial difficulties may prompt them to drop out and gain no education.
Adults are the role models for the younger ones. A divorce in the family leaves them no choice but to accept it. A divorce affects children and other family members as well. Those in the immediate and extended family may often come to see it as the right decision which is dangerous to the society as it is likely to create acceptance and imitation of the behavior. They may see divorce in a different light as an easier escape from troubled marriages. Such a psychology is unhealthy for their relationships as well. However, a couple's circumstances after a divorce play a major role in their perception of the rightfulness of their decision.
There are two sides to a coin. The ability of a family to cope with the divorce is a deciding factor on the effect of divorce on them - whether positive or negative. Hence, it is the parents' responsibility to support their children and handle this situation with patience and diplomacy. Once a couple has chosen to separate, the children must be given enough time and support to come to terms with the reality. If you're considering a divorce, be honest with your children and help them understand your side as well. Be real and factual, but, keep a positive undertone in your discussion. Make them aware about the reasons behind the divorce. You may have given a long thought and come up with your own justifiable reasons before opting for a divorce so I wouldn't ask you to reconsider your decision. What is really important is that you spend more time with the kids to help them find an outlet to express their feelings. It will reduce their grief period so, they don't end up withdrawing and feeling isolated. Give constant emotional and financial support to your children so that they would be ready to accept the changes.