Most abusers have effectively learned how to bounce between attacking and retreating, keeping their victims off balance; undermining and lowering their self esteem
Because the abuser suffers from internal discomfort and conflicts they don’t know how to address, no amount of logic, submissiveness or kindness will be enough to compensate or satisfy their insecurities.
They are not seeking to understand or respect others because they do not fully understand or respect themselves. They hide from their own weaknesses by trying to make others weak. They can’t control their own emotions, so they look to control others. While they may have some positive qualities, they hold toxic and unrealistic expectations which cannot be meet. Those who try to meet these expectations will end up feeling like a failure because it is a game they cannot win.