I can only speak for my family. We raised our children to question us and think for themselves. We believe that is an important skill that will really help them when they are adults. We don't want them following orders without thinking about them. We are raising our children to be leaders.
I believe that you should never expect to be respected just because of your position. Respect has to be earned, whether you are a sergeant or a parent. A lot of parents say that the kid should respect them simply because they are the child's parents. This always bothers me. I don't think every person should get respect just for being in a specific role.
Now having said that, I don't want my children to defy me for no reason. I want them to do it for principled reasons. If they are defying me because they want to and for no other reason, then I treat them as anyone who is disrespecting me. I believe this helps them learn the social consequences of such behavior.
My kids, I am told by others who interact with them outside our house when we aren't there, are very responsible, polite, and caring. I don't experience them completely that way at home. I see it in them, but I also feel that they let down their guard when they get home, and give us more push back than they would anyone else. I don't take it too seriously. If I did, I'd be yelling at them all the time, the way my brother-in-law yells at his kid.