For clergy with small children, it’s kind of a sick joke: your longest work day of the year falls on the night before your children’s earliest morning. You can see it unfolding, but you’re powerless to stop it. You’ll get home around 12:30 or 1am, too jacked up on caffeine and adrenaline to sleep. So you’ll wind down by eating the cookies the kids left for Santa (because, hey, keep the magic alive!) and watching part of the 24-hour A Christmas Story marathon. You might get drowsy by 2… But hey, guess what, your kids will be up around 5 because SANTA CAME, and presents must be opened and pancakes must be made.
Here’s hoping that Santa brought you IV bags for Christmas, because mainlining coffee is about the only way you are making it through this business.
Whose idea was this?? Who devised this quirk of the liturgical calendar to torture the servants of God? My money is on some diabolical priest who didn’t think clergy should have children anyway. “They want to defile the gospel with fornication?? I’ll show them. [stirring cauldron of holy water and communion wine]. On the night of the winter solstice, each year that the world turns, they shall be visited by this curse—that after a sleepless night, their spawn shall assail them with squeals of delight, tiny sharp elbows, and unfathomable expectations for the 24 hours ahead. As the prophets have foretold it, so it shall ever be… Amen.
I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what went down.
Fear not, faithful ones. We shall yet foil the evil priest. Follow this guide, and you might just embrace the joy of both Santa and Baby Jesus in the same 6 hour window. With minimal pharmaceutical support.