On the engagement day, the groom’s parents usually ask an elderly lady or a well- respected person in the community to represent them or, nowadays, to accompany them to the girl’s home to officially ask for the hand of the girl from her parents. They bring with them the dowry consisting of an engagement ring, which can be either gold or diamond, placed on a tray decorated with betel nuts, betel leaves, rice grains, beans, sesame seeds, flowers and leaves that bear auspicious names. Betel nuts and betel leaves are used as a symbol of respect. The rice grains, beans and sesame seeds represent abundance. Flowers and leaves represent what they are called, which may be literally translated in English as “gold leaves”1, “silver leaves”2, “love”3, “forever in bloom”4, “shining star”5, etc. During the engagement ceremony, only auspicious words are used. There are formal patterns of what to say during the ceremony. The simplest one can be as follows:
“Today is an auspicious day. I come here for an auspicious matter; that is, to ask for the hand of Miss_________________, daughter of Mr. and Mrs.________________, to be engaged to Mr._________________, son of Mr. and Mrs.________________, so that the two families will become “the same piece of gold”6”
Then, the dowry is handed over to the representative of the girl’s family and has to be officially inspected by the members of the girl’s side. In the old days, the engagement was agreed upon by the parents of each side. Nowadays, however, the boy goes to the girl’s house with his parents and the girl is called out to be told of the engagement. The boy then puts the ring on the ring finger of the girl’s left hand.