told you I would not bother you on line. I did not say I wouldn't email you.
I can't imagine what your going through due to me.
Let me explain more about me to you.
I was hit by a car when only 3. I've had serious concussions. I was rapped by gay men at a young age. I have been accused of things I did not do and had to pay a price. I've been robbed at gunpoint. I've rescued a girl from a gunman. I used to get beaten by school mates. I've had 2 marriages that were ruined by other men.
I can not say my mind is normal. I am very sensitive to certain things especially concerning my feelings.
Honey, when I get hurt, I go into a self destroy mode. No its not good. I choose to not take medication because of the side effects. I try to deal with things on my own. It is not easy to find someone that will tolerate me.
When I was with you, I felt free and I felt that I had no problems in this world. You became my world!
I have complicated thoughts. My experiences cause me to try to know truths about unexplained things.
When your brain has been physically injured and then you've experienced traumatic events, the thinking process doesn't always work properly.
If you had been here, when Mam showed her mistrust in me, after all I've done and was doing for them, you could have averted everything. You could have listened to my ranting and disappointment. Then you could have calmed me by holding me. It would have been over.
Instead, I wrote regrettable things while not having eaten in 3 days and while I was delirious with fever.
I wish I could undo that which I wrote.
All I have is you Aoi! I can't count on any one or anything. All I can do is hope you will accept my apologies and continue to love me as I still love you.
But, if I have damaged you so much that you prefer to end things with me, then I am speechless!
I don't even know what else to write at this point. I am not perfect. I am willing to work on my imperfections.
What say you?