That day.
I went back to the dorms, and fell on the bed.
Various emotions were jumbled up inside me.
Bitterness. Sadness. Helplessness. Anger.
My feelings became tears that overflowed.
After a while, Melissa-senpai came back.
She kindly asked me, who was crying, what was wrong.
I rejected her, saying nothing was wrong, and covered myself with my blanket.
What is it that I should do?
Is my attitude towards my brother a mistake?
...I see.
Maybe my brother was not a person that I had first imagined him to be.
That day, the day when my brother hit my father.
I was very young.
After that, no matter how many times my father said, "Your brother also had it tough," I was unable to understand.
But right now, especially right now, I was able to understand a little of how he felt.
Because, right now, it's painful.
Being here, doing my best, doing things to my utmost effort.
Being full of energy, and then being told, [You were just playing around without a care, right?]
Even I would have become angry.
Even if it was my father, we would have gotten into a fight.
But, that being the case.
What kind of face should I show to my brother?
What did my brother want me to do?
How did my brother and my father make up?
Think.
Think.
My stomach was in pain.
As if the area below my chest was squeezing tightly.
I became nauseous.
I passed the time curled in bed.
I couldn't do anything.
Just merely facing my brother, I couldn't do it.
In times like these, it was always my father that came to the rescue.
Whenever I curled in bed from hateful things, my father would come and gently comfort me.
When I separated from my father, it was Ruijerd.
He would place me on his lap, and while patting my head, he would talk about various things.
Here, I have nobody.
Melissa-senpai had helped me a lot.
However, she's not an ally.
[Let's go see your brother], or [You should show up in class.]
She was saying those things.
I understand them.
But my body refuses to move.
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