We are responsible to the commitments we make and to act according to formal and mutually understood promises and contracts; we are responsible for our own thoughts, feeling, speech, and behaviors. We can feel or be made to feel responsible for others' feelings and actions, but that is not healthy, as it allows those people to avoid using their own self-leadership. When we are responsible for ourselves, we can control our actions and reactions to what happens to us. If we try to be responsible for other people, we set ourselves up for unhappiness and failure because it is not possible to have total control over other people's thoughts, feelings and actions.