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Soonyoung winced in the recording booth. Jihoon’s words felt like a slap after the long day they had spent recording. Usually Jihoon was joking around, and Soonyoung brushed off his insults as thinly veiled compliments— they just meant Jihoon thought Soonyoung was getting too cocky and need to be knocked back down a little. Jihoon kept Soonyoung humble, which Soonyoung was grateful for.
But today, it wasn’t a joke. Jihoon had snapped at him for not hitting the right note the fifth time in a row.
“Why can’t you just do it the first two times like everyone else?” Jihoon complained. “Come on hyung I know you’re tired but can you please just get it right?”
“I’m sorry Jihoon-ah,” Soonyoung gulped. “Can I just take a quick break?”
“Yeah whatever,” Jihoon replied, pushing the keyboard further from him and rubbing at his eyes. “We’ll be here for a while longer anyway.”
Soonyoung took off the earphones and sank to the floor, far enough away from the microphone so that Jihoon couldn’t hear him sniffling. Usually he didn’t cry, but it was 4 am and Soonyoung was tired physically and of Jihoon’s remarks.
He tried to keep it in as best he could, but a tear rolled out anyway. And once one came, it was followed by a barrage of others. He tilted his head back and dabbed at his under eyes to dry them. If he rubbed, they would get red, and then Jihoon would know. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut, trying to dry his eyes as quickly as possible.
“Hyung,” Jihoon voice came through the intercom. “Hyung are you ready to start again? I want to go home and sleep.”
“Yeah, just one more minute and I’ll be ready,” Soonyoung replied, clenching his fists and trying to steady his voice as best as he could.
“Hyung? Are you okay?” Jihoon asked.
“I’m fine, Jihoon-ah.”
“No you’re not. You’re crying aren’t you.” It wasn’t a question. Soonyoung didn’t respond.
The door swung open, and Soonyoung immediately looked away.
There was the soft rustle of rumpled clothing as Jihoon sat down on the ground next to Soonyoung.
“Hyung I’m sorry,” Jihoon said after a few moments of silence. “I’m really tired right now but I know that’s not an excuse for being so hard on you. I shouldn’t do that, I’m sorry.” He placed his small hand on Soonyoung’s arm and said softly, “I really am sorry hyung.”
“I know you are,” Soonyoung said softly.. He still refused to look at Jihoon.
Jihoon moved his hand down to Soonyoung’s wrist, and tapped on it lightly with his fingers. Soonyoung released the fist he had been making, and Jihoon laced their fingers together. Soonyoung finally looked over at Jihoon, eyes red even though he had tried not to rub them.
“You’re a great singer,” Jihoon said, squeezing Soonyoung’s hand softly.
“Don’t lie to me,” Soonyoung snapped, glaring at Jihoon.
“I’m not,” Jihoon insisted, still keeping his voice low. “Your voice is beautiful and you know it.”
“I’m a dancer, not a singer. You’re right to criticize me, I should work harder,” Soonyoung said. He convinced himself it was true— there had to be a reason he got criticized the most.
“Soonyoung, stop,” Jihoon said, harsher than before. “Look at me. Look me in the eyes and let me tell you the truth.”
Soonyoung obliged, meeting Jihoon’s eyes. He didn’t speak, but he swallowed audibly.
“You. Are. A. Great. Singer. You are also a great dancer. You are amazing, Soonyoung. I’m such an asshole, I’m sorry. You deserve so much better,” Jihoon said.
“This is just a pity party now.” Soonyoung laughed, but it was empty. After a short moment of silence, Jihoon spoke.
“Will you sing for me Soonyoung?” Jihoon asked, letting his head fall on to Soonyoung’s shoulder.
Soonyoung hummed softly, and took a deep breath. “I don’t understand, I want to end it now,” he sang. He started off softly, but gained power by the next line. “What are these words for? I’m your man, don’t you know that?”
He looked down at Jihoon after that line, expecting an answer. He got one.
“I know,” Jihoon said. “I love you, so I shouldn’t say those things.”
“Yeah, you shouldn’t,” Soonyoung agreed. He rested his head on top of Jihoon’s, and sighed. “Want to go try to record again?”
“Only if you want to,” Jihoon replied. “I don’t want to push you anymore tonight.”
“We can give it another try,” Soonyoung said. Jihoon lifted his head to look at Soonyoung, who gave him a reassuring smile.
Jihoon went to get up, so Soonyoung did too, but he stopped short when he felt the quick press of lips on his cheek.
“Did you just kiss me?” Soonyoung asked. They had definitely had something between them, and had gone on psuedo-dates before, but they’d never been alone for long enough to kiss before.
“Definitely not hyung,” Jihoon replied, already halfway out the door.
Soonyoung smiled to himself, brushing his hand across his cheek.
On the next take, Soonyoung hit the note perfectly. As they walked out of the studio and back to the dorm hand in hand, Jihoon laughed.
“Hyung, if I knew kissing you was all it took for you to get the right note then I would have done it a while ago. Maybe I should try it on the other members,” he smirked deviously.
“You’d better not,” Soonyoung laughed, tugging on Jihoon’s hand to pull him into his side.
That night, with both of them in the same bed, Soonyoung stayed awake listening to Jihoon’s soft breathing for a while. As he felt himself drifting off to sleep, he pressed a quick kiss to the back of Jihoon’s neck.
“I forgive you,” he whispered, in part to Jihoon and in part to himself. “I always will.