a/n happy ending fluffy angst about my two smol babes i kept crying trying to write this sorry it took so long and it’s so bad like i kept crying lol
She laughed.
It didn’t reach her eyes.
“You do not, who put you up to this?” She laughed shakily, it was some sick joke.
“I’m serious baby girl, as a heart attack,“ he said shakily, a hand held up to symbolise his swearing that it was the truth.
“Derek Morgan. You do not love me, well, you do, how could you not? Who doesn’t?!” she laughed, her nervousness coming out in the hollow sound, “but you don’t like me that way!”
Derek the profiler wanted to say she was using humour as a defence mechanism, the joking use of a sense of grandeur suggesting she wanted to appear confident in herself, confident in that he loved her.
Derek the best friend knew that she was anything but confident. And that he should most definetly keep his mouth shut about it.
“And how exactly do you know that? How do you know I don’t find you attractive?” He asked indignantly.
“Because I’m not her,” Penelope bit out through gritted teeth. She blinked furiously, forbidding tears to well in her eyes.
“And?” He asked, his expression innocent, voice bewildered. It stung. It stung because had she not known she would have believed him, she would believe in a second that heartfelt gaze he gave her, but she was too old now for this, she’s been hurt one too many times. So all it did was make her palm itch to connect with his jaw.
“You think I’m not familiar with the word, Derek Morgan?” She asked, voice dark, eyes flat.
“What word?”
“Do you think I got through life without girls sniggering to themselves as I changed for the gym? Do you think no one has ever asked me out as a dare? Do you think I’ve never been called fat, Derek?” She was screaming now. It didn’t feel like her voice, it didn’t sound like her voice. Tears flowing freely down her cheeks, rolling off her jaw, her hand went to her mouth, stifling her sobs.
“And?” He repeated, “What does that mean? What has any of that got to do with anything?”
“It means why did you choose her over me in the first place Derek? She’s so beautiful, and so perfect for you, but all in all, I’m more perfect, we go together like macaroni and cheese,” she sobbed, sounding so small and childish, so young in both her choice of words and how the sounded, that Morgan’s heart broke in to about a thousand pieces.
“I just, I loved her, I really did, baby, I just, I just don’t anymore and-and,” he stammered, trying to find the right words.
“And what?” She snapped. “You suddenly realised you were head over heels for me? Don’t think I don’t know Derek, that people like me, we don’t get people like you, even if we are perfect for each other in every single way, even if I do love you so much I can feel it burning my skin, making my bones ache with love for you, I’m still not what vogue would put on the cover, so I’m not good enough and that’s okay!” She snivelled, her hand running absently through her hair.
“It is not okay, look, I really do have feelings for you, I always kind of have and I just-,” he swallowed thickly. “I kind of love you Penelope Garcia,” he quoted quietly.
“No, no, no!”’ She sobbed, “you do not get to be all cute, that was like ten years ago, Derek! And on top of things, you could have had me, you could have had me any day, but I will not be your consolation prize! I will not be some second hand thing to get you over your loneliness! I can’t do that to myself!” She was crying, really crying, the sound was raw and heartbroken- it hurt Morgan to hear.
“We’re perfect, totally perfect together!” He whispered, voice like velvet, hands reaching out to take her’s.
“Exactly!” She squeaked. “You always had trouble, you know? Like with conflicting schedules, we had the same one, we have the same sense of humour, the same taste in movies, and you didn’t even consider me, and that’s down to looks, because when you love someone, like really love someone, it doesn’t matter what they look like, so you must have never given me a second thought, and it hurts, it still hurts.”
“I spend more time with you than I do my own wife!” Derek yelled, exasperated.
“And she was never jealous!”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked, voice sharp.
“It’s supposed to mean, I guess it means that she never thought you’d have any interest in me! You call me baby girl and kiss me on the forehead right in front of her damn eyes and she doesn’t care! Because she knows I’m not good enough, at the end of the day, I’m just some fat girl to her, a joke,” she whispered.
“Now you’re not being fair!” Morgan spat, “she likes you and she trusted me!”
“Trust is one thing, Der’, giving me a lap dance to careless whisper while your girlfriend laughs along is a whole other thing!” She laughed humourlessly then.
“It was a joke!” He groaned. “Of course she didn’t care!”
“If I had looked like a Baywatch actress it suddenly wouldn’t have been so funny,” she rolled her eyes, a dark smile pulling on the corne