The family is very important to Indonesians. The Javanese, the ethnic Indonesian with the most population, have a saying that goes like this: "Mangan ora mangan asal ngumpul" which means: having food or having no food, the most important thing is that we are together.
Hence, when meeting an Indonesian, of course, the family will be the most important topic to discuss, such as how many children they have and what their ages are. This will also give you a chance to compliment them about how young they look to be parents. When meeting Indonesians who travel or have been educated abroad, you can also ask them about their experiences. Ask Indonesians about their origin. Which part of Indonesia do they come from? After having lived in Indonesia for a little while, you will be able recognize family names from certain areas or you will be able to recognize names from certain regions, such as Supomo, Soeprapto etc. Names beginning with "Su, Soe" and ending with an "o" are usually Javanese. Take a chance and ask them, "Are you from Central/East Java?"
Things to avoid discussing:
-Age, as in many cultures, it is impolite to bluntly ask about their age.
-Religion, Politics and human rights, unless somebody else started the discussion and the discussion is kept calm and controlled, it is not recommended to start discussions about these two very sensitive topics.
-Be sensitive to their international travel experiences, allow Indonesians to tell about their experiences and do not overwhelm them with one of your own. Among lower middle class Indonesians, domestic travel is usually in response to death in the family and rarely for pleasure. The expatriate that has been in the country for two to three years may have seen more of the country than most of his Indonesian counterparts and friends.
Things that might surprise you:
- Even if it was the first time that they met you, Indonesian might startle you by asking "personal questions" such as whether you were married, and if not, whether you were then engaged to be married? They will ask you about your family, where you work, what your occupation is, where you were educated and so on. Please just answer all these questions casually as you do not have to answer them in details. Indonesians often feel uneasy when they meet you for the first time. They do not know who you are and so they do not know "how to place you". Should I treat this person as an equal (i.e. the same age and/or social status) or should I treat her/her differently? They will usually err on the safe side by treating you as if you were "older and/or having a higher social status" and then slowly adjusting their behaviour after they get to know you better. The Indonesian society is a very hierarchical society, hence knowing where to place somebody is very important.
- If you were married, they might ask you casually what kind of birth control you are using. This topic occurs very often in social conversations since the government has been working very hard to socialize it since the 70’s to control the increase in the population. As you know, Indonesia is the 4th most populated country in the world.