A tear fell into the mush that passed as afternoon sustenance. Jacob fought back with a wounded sniff and a brusque wipe of his right eye. His memory of Melissa, a sweet, young and very pure maiden, caused Jacob to suddenly be brought back into his present world of a prison cell. Like a bad dream, Jacob knew that he would probably find himself drifting in and out of Happy Valley consciousness. For now, Jacob would finish his food and refresh. But then he would, predictably, return again to Happy Valley. September 1854. A time that didn’t seem that long ago. In just under a year, Satan had rid an entire village of what had begun as a colony of the faithful, dedicated and determined to serve the Lord. Instead, they had served their own lusts and earthly desires, with only Jacob left.
The tear he had shed was one borne out of a passing sense of guilt, a feeling that perhaps Jacob had not done enough to rescue his flock. As the proverb says, ‘he who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly...’ perhaps Jacob had not disciplined his followers. Perhaps he should have done more to maintain control, to rule Happy Valley with a stricter hand. Then maybe more villagers would have remained. Yes, it was a village of volunteers but if it is to remain a village, people are needed to populate it.
But Jacob realized that his analysis of his conduct as village leader would always result in an uneasy alliance between two extremes: on the one hand, a religious and deeply spiritual man, determined to keep his faithful flock together which required a firm hand, often in the form of his passionate sermons. Then there was Jacob the man, as sinful and as deserving of hellfire as anyone else and, save for the grace of God, a place he would have spent eternity in. Jacob had a heart, a human heart which was not beyond understanding the temptations and pleasures that the world had to offer. Should he, then, have spent more time with his brothers and sisters, perhaps on an individual level, offering more personal guidance, sharing more of his own struggles with them and asking more questions to discover their own hidden struggles? Maybe then he could have prevented some of the villagers from leaving. Ultimately, however, the question Jacob pondered the most was if he should have run after his lost flock. Should he have gone outside the village in an attempt to find, and bring back, his lost brethren? But he had been so afraid to tread outside into the sinful world that encircled Happy Valley, to which the weaker members of the flock had returned to. Perhaps he had been a coward after all. A man who let fear of the sinful world outside prevent him from returning there, even for the purpose of bringing his lost family back to Happy Valley. Had it been fear of worldly contamination, then, that stopped him from rescuing the others after all?
But there was another possible answer, one found in the Scriptures themselves. Luke 15:4. The Lord had made it clear how the shepherd leaves behind ninety-nine sheep in order to find the one that is missing. But Jacob had never had more than nineteen sheep to tend to; after a few months, half that number remained. But not once did Jacob tend to his missing flock. Not once did he place another in charge and leave to find those who had left his village. If only he could have found just one villager on the outside, then that is one he could have brought back and prevented from going back to their vomit, as the Scriptures also mention. There was indeed much more that Jacob should have done. God had placed him as the village leader and he had clearly abdicated his responsibility. If so, then maybe Jacob was now paying for his sins: the outside world that he was so afraid to set foot in again had been thrust upon him in the form of a worldly jail. Earlier this very morning Jacob had defiantly claimed superiority at the attempt of the unsaved to try and imprison him in a man-made worldly jail. Now, Jacob suddenly felt that his very spirit was imprisoned, for which he could not find an escape. The jail might indeed be a punishment after all, not merely a test of faith. Maybe Jacob deserved to be here. Yes, he would always have his Lord, but his foreseeable days on earth would be spent in a cell, not preaching from a pulpit, or even leading a new spiritual flock. Where was the freedom he had so recently convinced himself that he had in abundance? He had thought that he was a prisoner of faith. Maybe he was just a prisoner.
Jacob realized more than ever now just how much he indeed was guilty of pride. He had truly been more concerned with his role as leader in Happy Valley than his role as God’s servant. Too fearful to have returned to the outside world to bring back the lost sheep, being more focused on himself. Leaders don’t act in such a way. Christ was a leader, but a leader who had put himself last in order to save those who followed him. Jacob knew he had not done the same