So the day came. It is difficult fully to describe my condition. There were, on the one hand, the zeal for 'reform' and the novelty of making a momentous departure in life. There was, on the other, the shame of hiding like a thief to do this very thing. I cannot say which pf the two swayed me more. We went in search of a lonely spot by the river, and there I saw, for the first time in my life-meat There was baker's bread also. I relished neither. The goat's meat was as tough as leather. I simply could not eat it. I was sick and had to leave off eating.