9. Learn each other’s language. When do you feel most loved? When do you feel most loving? A simple reflex can cause a person to give what he or she desires. If she feels loved when her lover rubs her shoulders, she may try rubbing her lover’s in return. If he feels most loved when his lover makes him a delicious dinner, he may feel most loving when he takes his lover out, whereas the lover would prefer to stay home and snuggle on the sofa.