Remember how you felt when you brought your baby home from the hospital for the first time? When your child was an infant, you probably acknowledged that you were anxious and unsure of what you were doing at times—most new parents are. In my experience, those kinds of feelings continue as we raise our kids—we just stop expressing them to others. But let’s face it, none of us went to school for parenting, and often we’re really hard on ourselves: we think we’re alone and that we need to come up with the “perfect solution” or consequence when our child misbehaves. Here’s the truth: it's not a matter of finding a perfect solution. Rather, it's a matter of finding a consequence that will mean something to your child. The good news is, it can be done.
Giving the right consequence can feel much more like a life and death situation than it actually is.
In the thirty years I’ve worked with kids, I’ve seen a lot of parents get very panicky around the concept of consequences. I think we get nervous because we believe we need to have the right response to stop our child’s bad behavior immediately—and when that happens, giving the right consequence can feel much more like a life and death situation than it actually is. That feeling of panic has more to do with your anxiety in the moment than it does with effective parenting. Consequences can take multiple attempts before kids learn to behave differently—it’s simply a matter of trial and error.
Remember how you felt when you brought your baby home from the hospital for the first time? When your child was an infant, you probably acknowledged that you were anxious and unsure of what you were doing at times—most new parents are. In my experience, those kinds of feelings continue as we raise our kids—we just stop expressing them to others. But let’s face it, none of us went to school for parenting, and often we’re really hard on ourselves: we think we’re alone and that we need to come up with the “perfect solution” or consequence when our child misbehaves. Here’s the truth: it's not a matter of finding a perfect solution. Rather, it's a matter of finding a consequence that will mean something to your child. The good news is, it can be done.Giving the right consequence can feel much more like a life and death situation than it actually is.In the thirty years I’ve worked with kids, I’ve seen a lot of parents get very panicky around the concept of consequences. I think we get nervous because we believe we need to have the right response to stop our child’s bad behavior immediately—and when that happens, giving the right consequence can feel much more like a life and death situation than it actually is. That feeling of panic has more to do with your anxiety in the moment than it does with effective parenting. Consequences can take multiple attempts before kids learn to behave differently—it’s simply a matter of trial and error.
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