The fundamental types of control we seek to exercise over our lives are forms
of grasping (lobha) and aversion (dosa). Instinctively, we grasp after some things,
trying to pull them into our lives, and avoid other things, trying to push them away.
But if we live life without grasping or aversion, without pulling or pushing, then
we do not experience life as something we are controlling. We “let go” of life; it
just “happens.” We become spectators, observing life’s ups and downs with
detachment.
As a philosophy of life, perhaps the most important insight of Buddhism is
that genuine happiness is not contingent upon our life circumstances. We can be
truly and deeply happy simply by connecting with the present moment without
grasping or aversion. Nothing more is required—the right relationship, the right
job, the right home, riches, even physical health—than the inner expansiveness
of mindfulness. The Buddha himself was described as the happiest of men and
capable of “abiding in pleasantness” (sukhavihāritaro) for seven days and nights
without moving or uttering a word.10
But this doesn’t mean that all that there is to having a good life is being free
from dissatisfaction. If there is more to having a good life than being happy, then
Benatar is right to point out that one could not transform a bad life into a good
one simply by bringing one’s desires into alignment with the circumstances of
one’s life. This is so even though one can transform an unhappy life into a happy
one by adjusting one’s desires. To the extent that we do not wish that things
were any different from how they are, we are happy. And this is so even if we do
not have good lives.
Although happiness might be characterized as freedom from dissatisfaction,
there are reasons for thinking that Buddhism involves a richer conception of
happiness. Even if happiness is a feeling, it is not just a feeling, not even a sense
of tranquility. Compare happiness with depression. Depression is a feeling, but it
is not just a feeling. It is a complex psychological state involving