U don't understand. I was very close to the person that died and he was like the closet friend. We were almost alike in honesty and good morals. We did not act like the average guy here. We did not drink or smoke or gamble or did crazy things. Not that we did not know how to have fun, although he was more shy than I was. We were able to talk and understand one another. I never had a friend that was so close as that. He was not suppose to die. I feel that where he was made a mistake and we wont ever find about it. He now cant enjoy life and I somehow feel that I should not either. Jack