Dear Nachaphon,
Thank you for your draft proposal.
Please try to answer the following questions:
What do you mean by factors that effect employee which lack of English communication ability?
What is your intention to find out on the communication of employeesM
Factors mentioned in your hypothesis of poor english:
1. not enought knowledge in vocab and grammar
2.Shyness
3.no opportunilty to speak
Your conceptual frame work:
Do you want to find out on Ability to use English of employees? How would you evaluate "ability to use English"
What is the instrument to measure this ability?
Independent variable:
Age, sex, service years, Exp. in studied English, Exp. in using English.
Depentdent variable:
Ability to use English.
Do you intend to compare the ability of different Age, Sex, Service year, ...etc.?
In your draft, you mentioned Multi National company.
Is it possible to select some Multi national compay, (make sure that they will give your permission to collect the data)
Please focus on some point in your study.
Read more research according to the topic you are intersted in doing your own research/study.
Writing academic report, your need to add some reference to support the concept or idea, you propose.
In-text citation needed. Not to mention any statement only from your own opinion without support from research results or theory.