6 hours ago, youcallitwinter said:
I think one of my favourite aspects of Cindy's development in the past two episodes was that it showcased just how trapped she was. We knew she was trapped in her life- by her idol life, by her image, by her schedule, by the company, but this episode showed that she was also trapped in her head- replaying the death of her parents over and over and unable to fall asleep. Which manifests as her OCD and obsessive need to control the smallest things, because she views the death of her parents as the direct outcome of her powerlessness.
I love that Cindy's development arc is built around her feelings for Seung-chan, not Seung-chan himself, but her feelings, where he's the catalyst for her actions, but not the direct cause of them. I love the number of motifs employed to show that little things related to him become symbols of freedom for her; the umbrella which helps her eat what she wants to out in the street, the book which finally helps her fall asleep, the headphones which help her tune out the incessant clicking of cameras, a car to escape in. I adore that being in love is making her engage and anticipate, even though anticipation implies she doesn't know what happens next, which is antithetical to her neuroses about control.
I found it ironic, and I'm sure the drama meant to play it that way, that Seung-chan questioned Cindy's sincerity of feeling and action. Because, out of the four leads, she has been the most upfront about them. She made herself vulnerable without any safety nets or covers- unlike Ye-jin's confession only possible when being a drunken accident or Joon-mo pretending he hadn't heard her confession to avoid the fall-out, or Seung-chan using the unpaid debt as an excuse to practically date Ye-jin without actually confessing his feelings for her. Cindy did not backtrack or say she was carried away by the moment and his concern for her, as she could well have done to save face when he took a step back. She was honest to her feelings, without any sense of self-preservation, without first trying to feel him out and gauge his reaction before making herself vulnerable and opening herself to rejection. I love this disjunct, that Cindy, the most closed-off, the most at disconnect with herself, was the first to take the plunge and break out of the protective shell into the unknown in this aspect. Or that she literally went into free-fall and gave up all control and created a messed-up situation, which is the hardest thing for her to do, because that is true sincerity, since her sincerity isn't contingent on its reception. I love that and hope it's explored more.