My sweet and lovely Nook, Look.....This life is so small. Believe me.
You know why i am saying that? Bcoz..... Few days ago, you were MISSING me so much, it was very hard for you to spend only 1 hour without me. Ruu mai……?? You were loving me so much and you were sending me messages and calls on Tango and Facebook like ‘you were going to be crazy’. You got carried away for a while with my love.
You know what I was thinking that time? I was thinking……….It was so fine and wonderful and it looked very impressive to see someone loving you so deeply after a long long time……..…Yeah……... Bcoz….. I really needed to be loved so desperately. I perhaps lost faith in my ‘being loved’.
During the moments that we were sharing together on calls and in reality, I was thinking that I was really ‘lost’ and perhaps I was ‘dreaming’……but simultaneously, I was also very much afraid from inside, bcoz I know that the love which hits you so hard, it also has the possibility to bounce towards the other sides as a reaction instead of bouncing back to you sometimes……Yeah! It means, I was also very much afraid of losing you.
The time when I wrote something to Ploy that was in fact offensive that’s why I never wanted you to know that. The moment when I realized that I was doing wrong, then I felt sorry in my mind first, and then I started feeling bad about my words that I had written to Ploy. I swear to my own head that I asked her not to show to Ice or You. Bcoz….I knew that you will be hurt.
In the end, on Sunday, you knew it. I was already aware of what was going to happen, and hence I became mad too. Bcoz…..I had said SORRY to God already and I did not want anything bad to happen that day. But, nothing happened. Things got worse. I really feel SORRY for all my actions. I don’t have words how should I explain this particular situation. I don’t have any words. I am feeling sad and angry at myself. But I thought to explain this to you why I was trying to hide that information from you.
The reason that I tried to hide my conversation with Ploy was that I NEVER wanted to LOSE you……..Never! Not at any cost! Not at all. Believe me. That’s why I didn’t tell you anything. In the end, the same thing happened for which I was very much afraid of.
Now…..today…..3 days have passed since we finally talked……I feel very much SORRY that I don’t really have any words to explain to you how much SORRY I am feeling…..Bcoz……everything could be fine if I had told you about that before…..You felt bad bcoz I hid that information from you…….You felt bad, bcoz you asked me to stop contacting her, but I still wanted to help her. Yeah…..I accept my mistakes. I feel SORRY to hurt your feelings. But…..I can say that openly in front of ICE and PLOY……I am really sorry for my part of mistakes. NOOK…….Please, don’t leave me…….You know….. I am crying…….This time……..I am crying like a small child………Yeah…..I accept that I used to call you “Stupid” and “Small Child” sometimes……..but its actually me who is a ‘small child’ and a ‘very stupid person’. Yeah…… its me. I am wrong. I accept everything. And I apologize from you while kneeling down on my knees and joining the hands together with head down to you and saying “This kid is SORRY for his mistakes.” ……………“This STUPID guy is really very SORRY for making you very HURT”. I really feel ashamed of myself and that’s why I can’t eat, sleep or even feel good since you broke up with me.
It’s just my one humble request from you Nook, that I really ADORE you. I really LOVE you so much. Please, forgive me. Please FORGIVE ME. I really don’t deserve such a strong punishment. Please forgive me Nook. Why today you have turned your eyes down? Why you have turned your feeling away? Just compare your feelings few days ago with your current feelings. Do I really deserve this thing? Please ask from yourself, Nook. Where is my Nook now? Where is she gone? Please forgive me.
Please talk to me.