In the past year I recently married for the first time, at age 65. Having seen dynamics that
“work” in couple relationships, as well as dynamics that destroy intimate relationships, I feel
far more prepared for marriage now than I was when I began my career in my 30s. In fact,
on reflection I realized that my work with couples led me to choose a partner who is a very
different kind of person than I might have chosen had I not been a family therapist. That is,
rather than worrying about our differences in politics, personal taste, and avocational interests,
I chose someone who has excellent relationship skills, strong family ties, and a desire to make
a lifetime commitment to me, to my daughter, and to our future. Moreover, over my years of
working with challenging couples, I learned the importance of not letting our minor annoyances
and disagreements with each other fester into fights. Rather, we always try to end a disagreement
with something like, “What can we do next time, so that we don’t wind up in this same place?”