Some notes:
My Japanese is nowhere near perfect so it’ll be pretty crappy. If there are errors, feel free to point them out and I’ll change it accordingly.
Italicized parts are where I’m guessing or not sure about. Sometimes I’ll just put question marks cuz I have no idea.
I haven’t gone and edited it because I’m tired so please excuse typos and such.
There are some anime references and voice actor jokes so I’ll try to put down where they come from.
Feel free to repost this on other sites but refrain from reposting on tumblr. (why would you even do that….) But be warned since they aren’t completely accurate.
*Ding Dong Ding Dong*
Narrator (Lancer/Midorikawa): This Anthology Drama CD is fiction and the story and characters from the television series, Fate Zero, will be quite different. Now, please enjoy the story.
*God has said, or to be more specific, he looked at Type-moon Ace published by Kadokawa Shouten and said: “It could be said that Fate Zero is like a romance game with Saber as the main heroine, huh~” (Nasu….)
*El-Shaddai reference
At that moment, Big Bang.
Far off galaxies, darkness behind further darkness, (???), a new possible world was imagined. Yes, this is what happened in that parallel universe.
Saber: I can’t believe such a strange world existed. Wanting to fill my heart throb meter (Toki Meki Dou) I, who became a Heroic Spirit to participate in the Holy Grail War and decided to disregard my gender ever since pulling out the sword and becoming a king, have been pursued by the other famous figures in history. If I think about it, it’s not too bad a situation. And a romantic school drama AU is something I have yet to experience. I wonder what will happen… Yes, perhaps first meeting with a classmate and have a refreshing development is the most possible.
*Imagining*
Lancer: You’re the master of the Kendo Club, I’m the hope for the Javelin club. Although we’re in different clubs, let’s complete who’ll reach the top at the Inter-High Championship!
Saber: Yes, sounds good to me!
Lancer: Alright! I won’t lose!
Saber: Ehe he he he. Aha ha ha ha.
*End Imagination*
Saber: But perhaps, a refreshing development isn’t enough. For example, perhaps a forceful approach from an upperclassman.
*Imagining*
Gil: Listen! At the next Cultural Festival, my Archery club’s booth will be decorated with my treasures and will sell the most. And if your measly Kendo Club can’t beat us, as the representative of the Kendo club you will be subservient to me, the winner.
Saber: Ku, what nonsense!
Gil: Fuhahahaha, my decision won’t be changed now. Now, bow before me!
*End Imagination*
Saber: No, perhaps imagining a more impossible development will be good in this setting. For example, maybe someone who will protect me or something.
*Imagining*
Saber: At this rate, in front of the Archery Club, we’ll….
Rider: I’ve kept you waiting.
Saber: Gasp, you are-
Rider: My gang, all the king’s army, will buy from you. This way you won’t lose.
Saber: Ah, yes, thank you for your support, but why?
Rider: I’ve told you before. One day, you’ll be part of my army. And, uh you see. I won’t allow you being anyone’s but mine, the Banchou of Conquerors.
*End Imagination*
Saber: I see. Indeed, a world of possibilities! Good, I’ve visualized the possibilities and been captured by the words ‘Let there be Romance’, all I have to do is act as I am as a beautiful flower. Fufufufu, who will be the first to come. I’m prepared to be like, at first “If we go home together, it’ll be embarrassing if my friends spread rumors. ////” Now, let’s open the curtains to this blooming school romance!
*Scene Change*
Gil: But still, this is going too fast. It feels like just yesterday that that hellish Holy Grail War ended.
Lancer: Finally, my body is able to move. Who would have thought we’d see the cherry blossoms blooming and going to Homuhara High School.
Gil: Ohh, it’s been a long time I’ve seen the school gates. Let’s see, I’ll be the first to go in!
Lancer: Wait! I’ll be the first one!
Gil: Nuo?! Eii, let go of me!
Lancer: I won’t let go!
Gil: Urgh, you mongrel!
Lancer: Shut up, I said I won’t let go so I won’t let go!
Gil: Then I’ll put you in your place! Enuma-
Lancer: Too soft! Hm? Hey, wait! Do you hear something strange?
Gil: Huh? *helicopter noise* W-What?! That’s a military helicopter, Mi-24 Hind!?
Lancer: Look! Someone’s coming out!
Rider: Joui De Aru!! (??? i think it’s like “top class” but that sounds really awkward…)
Lancer: What!? Jumping out from that height without a parachute!
Gil: Deciding on a landing point!
Lancer and Gil: And landed perfectly!!??
Rider: He he he top class. You have been accepted to participate in the *Tenchou Gorin Dai Holy Grail War Tournament.
*Reference to Otokojuku… which I know nothing about orz.
Gil: What!? Tenchou Gorin Dai Holy Grail War Tournament…!?
Lancer: What?! You know about it, King of Heroes?
Gil: Yeah, Tenchou is not held on earth but rather above the heavens, a great tournament held on the moon! *Moon-something, gathering the powers of the something, 128 students gather and fight to the death, a rigorous fight.
*Reference to Fate/Extra
Lancer: Interesting. I don’t really care to go to the moon to meet rabbits, I’ll show off my lancing skills even in space.
Rider: Oh, but, I have to test you guys if you are truly worthy to participate.
Gil: What…did you say!?
Rider: Homurahara School’s specialty is 'Oil-bathing!’ Covering yourself in oil while in a pot of boiling oil with a candle floating in it. But you can’t let yourself get beat to the heat. One small movement and the candle will tip and catch the oil on fire! A true test of being a man overcoming fear and agony.* How about it? Will you test yourself as a true man? Show me, if you can.
*Again Otokojuku. Visuals here.
Gil: Hmph, you ask if I’m man enough? Alright! I’ll show you!! This is a man’s true spirit!!
Lancer: King of Heroes!!!
Rider: Ohhh ho ho ho….
Saber: What drama are you guys doing!!?? *flips the oil*
*screaming and fire*
Gil: Ahhhhhh on my body, oil!!! And it lit up by the candle!!!!!!!!
Lancer: This is horrible!
Saber: No, you’re the ones who have drifted further and further away from the original concept and going crazy with these unstoppable developments that are horrible! How long are you going to ignore me, the main heroine!
Rider: Eh? No, but I heard we were doing a school themed story.
Saber: NO! This might be school themed, but what school theme we’re going for is something completely different!!!
*Scene Change*
Saber: Well, let’s try to introduce our roles in this world. I am Saber. King of Knights, Arturia. This time, I’ve been summoned as the lovely captain of the Kendo Club as the main heroine of this school. I’ve been summoned in this strange world in this strange situation, but I’ll do my best.
Lancer: Diarmiud O'Dyna. Summoned into the Lancer class. The club I’m participating in is… The Civil Engineering Club.
Saber: Eh? Civil Engineering, when you’re a Lancer…?
Lancer: What about it?
Saber: No, if you’re satisfied with it, it’s fine.
Lancer: Well, right now, I’m helping my lord, the president of the CE club, with his graduation project, a maze atelier. It spans an entire floor, has twenty-four trap doors, three sound machines, dozens of guard dogs, countless traps. Parts of the hallway lead to trap doors. (parody of Kayneth’s magical atelier from ep. 6)
Saber: What can I say…. I feel like this maze won’t work out well….
Gil: Oh that’s right, mongrel. About your club’s president, I saw you and his lover, the manager of the club, together the other day. What was that about?
Lancer: Urh, that was… I was forced to… or I couldn’t resist…
Saber: Ahh, it seems he’s been summoned as quite the unfortunate character.
So then, Rider. Are you part of the horse-riding club?
Rider: No, I, King of Conquerors, Iskander, has been summoned into the Military Research Club.
Saber: Ho, Military Research. It’s a bit unusual you’re part of a cultural club, but it does match your character. As expected as the King of Conquerors, you’re involving your past experiences.
Rider: Well, the truth is, we just play games all day in the clubroom. But don’t think I’ve forgotten about conquering the world. Actually, we’re researching on that too, in the game world.
Saber: Ah, actually he’s kind of an unfortunate character too.
Then, King of Heroes, what club are you participating in? As you are in the Archer class, are you in the Archery club?
Gil: Yuetsu research club. (pleasure..? joy? it’s kinda awkward so i’m keeping it as is)
Saber: Huh?
Gil: Yuetsu research club. We go to that dank basement of the church, Kirei and I drink wine together and question the true meaning of pleasure while imagining these situations and laugh 'Fuhahahaha’ evilly. That is the Yuetsu club! Alright, Saber, I approve of you joining!
Saber: I’ll have to refuse.
Gil: Fast!
Saber: What is this… there are only unfortunate characters.
Rider: Alright, we’ve done our introductions. Then let’s start over again. In this world overflowing with romance!
Lancer: Yeah!
Gil: Good! I’ll approve this opening!
Saber: Alright, let’s begin. Raise the curtains to this imaginated world!
Rider: Then let’s continue from before. Fuhahahahahaha you guys have been approved to participate in the Tenchou Gorin Dai Holy Grail War Tournament.
Gil: Tenchou Gorin Dai Holy Grail War Tournament, you say!?
Lancer: What!? You know about it, King of Heroes?
Gil: Yes! Tenchou is-
Saber: Too innocent, Aiguille!!* (あまりに無垢なエギーユ!!)
*Reference to Gundam 0083??? not sure.
Gil: That hurts! An extremely painful punch has been recieved!*
*I think this is a Animate Tenchou joke??
Saber: I’ve been saying that that’s wrong!
Lancer: Wait. King of Knights, wait! We’re not joking around either.
Saber: What nonsense. What part of this is not a joke!?
Rider: Calm your anger, and listen to us with an