COMMUNICATION AND LISTENING SKILLS
Introduction
Communication is any means by which an individual relates experiences, ideas, knowledge, and
feelings to another. Communication can be expressed through both speech and gestures (Harryman,
Kresheck, and Nicolosi, 1996). It is important that mentors know how to effectively communicate
with mentees. This section is devoted to information and activities designed to develop active
listening and communication skills effective for working with an adolescent population.
When establishing a mentoring relationship, it is important to create a comfortable communication
environment. This can be done by using the theory of reciprocity. Following this theory enables
mentors to control the flow and direction of a conversation by the rate at which information is
revealed. For example, if the mentor reveals something about him- or herself, the mentee would
likely respond by revealing the same sort of information. This pattern tends to repeat. If at some point
the mentee does not respond in kind, the pattern of the conversation should be redirected to make the
mentee feel more comfortable. This type of interaction pattern fosters the development of trust in the
mentoring relationship.
Guidelines for Communication
To encourage the development of trust in the mentoring relationship:
• Make communication positive, clear, and specific.
• Recognize that each individual sees things from a different point of view.
• Be open and honest about your feelings and accept othersí feelings.
• Ask questions for clarification on an issue.
• Learn to listen. Allow time for the student to talk without interruptions.
These suggestions should be used as guidelines. There may be situations that require mentors to act
differently.
Active Listening Skills
Active listening is an essential mentoring skill. One of the most common mistakes mentors can make
is confusing ìhearingî and ìlistening.î Hearing is merely noting that someone is speaking. Listening,
however, is making sense of what is heard and requires the individual to constantly pay attention,
interpret, and remember what is heard. Hearing is passive; listening is active. The passive listener is
much like a tape recorder. If the speaker is providing a clear message, the listener will probably get
most of what is said. For mentors, this is not enough. They must be active listeners. Active listening
requires the listener to hear the words and identify the feelings associated with the words. Mentors
should be able to understand the speaker from his or her point of view. There are four essential