Pattern 2 : Attempting as Transforming
All transcripts demonstrated evidence that the attempt itself created a division or a shift between life before and after the attempt. Prior to and during the attempt all participants expressed a common thread of feeling unconnected to their support group. After they attempted suicide the end story described a reconnection with family and initiation of a connection with counselors . The inpatient treatment helped facilitate the realization that the connection had been there all along and that connection is dynamic. Transforming this state of being is not a cognitive process, but rather a pre-conscious event intended to cause a shift in one's life.
Erica represented a paradigm case (Benner, 1994) in relation to the transformative nature of a suicide attempt :
I know if wouldn't have done those I wouldn't be where I am today with all three counselors and having the help I have. Interviewer : say that again, if you wouldn't have attempted those two times. Erica : Yeah. Interviewer : You wouldn't be where you are? Erica : Yeah . Cause nobody would believe me. Cause I've went to the doctor multiple times saying I'm suicidal and depressed, and they tried to put me on pills. And they didn't do anything for me so I stopped taking them and then a few years later just tried to kill myself. I know each time that I've tried to kill myself it's brought me one step further to where I need to be (l.334-345)
Erica would not have received the treatment she needed if she had not expressed herself through her suicide attempts.