Lack of control
Most violent people are able to control themselves not to abuse in public or in front of other people, not to cause injuries where they will show and only to be abusive within their family. This is not uncontrolled behaviour. Domestic abuse is not just about physical violence. It is a systematic pattern of controlling behaviour ranging from controlling household finances to not allowing their family member to leave the house.
Drugs and alcohol
Domestic abuse cannot be blamed on drugs or alcohol consumption. Some perpetrators may have been drinking or taking drugs when they are abusive, but many have not. Also they are not generally abusing everyone; they are able to control their behaviour so that it is only towards their partners or family members.
Domestic abuse is far more prevalent however in households where alcohol or drugs are being misused and it is common for alcohol or drugs to be used by victims of abuse as a coping strategy to deal with the abuse they are experiencing.
Stress
Much like drugs and alcohol, stress is not a cause of domestic abuse. Abuse is a choice, intended to gain power and control over the victim. Generally perpetrators of domestic abuse, regardless of how stressed they are, are able to limit their abusive behaviour to their chosen victim/s. There are also many extremely stressed people who are not abusive, and many perpetrators who are not stressed!