Since I don't have information about what they request to edit, I can only approve on what I read.
I think it's ok.
Minor comments:
1. don't use thai numbers: e.g. ๙๙ ปี
2. check spelling: เราทุกคนสามารถที่จะอมมเงิน
3. 134.39164 บาท looks silly...replace with 134 บาท
I recommend you send to them with track change so they know what was revised. Reading the whole thing is 1) waste of time, 2) open up more opportunity for them to request for changes = more work for you. I guess too late for that now, please send by 12pm.
I asked for minute of meeting to be sent following the call on Tuesday so what has been agreed is recorded in writing. Why is this not sent to scblife@moneyguru. Please forward that to me.
Best reg