Music Monthly / Red Square /
Entry 64
Subject: Happiness and Best Wishes
By Akanishi Jin
My daughter used to ask me, “Why name me Kazumi?”
That was a difficult question to answer… I could only tell her that I truly wished for happiness in her whole life.
And this name was the best blessing that I could give to her.
In this lifetime, I had my share of beautiful moments. But I had my fair share of pain and silence too. When I first returned from US, I didn’t talk much at all. It was because of a friend that I started talking again. She was very important to me then… and eventually, this friend became my wife.
My wife is a very gentle and understanding woman. She understood the nature of my work right from the start of our marriage.
When our only daughter was born, I was filming in Okinawa. When she turned one, I was doing my album recording in UK. I was away most of the time when Kazumi was growing up. Other women might have asked for a divorce long ago, but my wife accommodated me for everything. I’m fortunate, really. That’s because, I didn’t find her. She’s the one who found me.
She gave me love, understanding, support, and tried all ways to make me happy…
Often, people would ask me if my wife was unhappy that I kept mentioning about my first love on my monthly column.
Nope. She’s not angry with me at all.
When she met me, I had already experienced ups and downs in life, including that of falling in love with somebody else and sharing burden with somebody.
Maybe I’m just too honest, or plain spoilt and self-centered…
I was well-aware there is a special corner in my heart that nobody else can enter till today…
That was also why I was hesitant about marrying her then. I knew I would never be able to give up those special memories, and I knew that it was very unfair to her.
But my wife told me, “If I love someone, how can I reject his past? I don’t need justice. Life is never fair. I just want to be by your side.”
Thus, we had a simple wedding and soon, our daughter was born.
Kazumi was difficult baby to care for because she often cried in the middle of the night. It often took us an hour or two just to get her to sleep. Maybe because she’s my own daughter, I thought she looks adorable even when her face was wrinkled up from the crying.
I really hoped that she would be happy.
I hoped that she would grow up healthily, do well in her studies, and experience a good love. I hoped that, eventually she would be able to comprehend the real meaning of what it takes to achieve happiness in life…
That was why I gave her the name I loved the most.