Two-year-olds get a pretty bad press; they are what PR professionals might describe as a “challenging brand”. Pint-sized tyrants in unstructured shoes, permanently smelling of something you can’t quite (or don’t want to) put your finger on, they are utterly degenerate. From the moment they wake up (5am) until the moment they go to sleep (much later than you would like), they indulge in epic levels of egoism, selfishness and inappropriate touching.