Man up and buy a swimsuit
The secret to great togs is man-like confidence and a daring approach to prints, say style guru Damien Woolnough.
Spring has well and truly spring, so it’s time for us to have “The Talk”. I don’t mean the birds and the bees because you should be well and truly across that by now and a convoluted explanation involving pollen and honey is not going to help with the far more uncomfortable and pressing matter of purchasing a knock-out swimsuit.
Before you take to Twitter or start composing an email on what a man would know about the pain, torture and agony of finding the holy grail of lined Lycra that showcases your curves and hides winter wobbly bits, read on, because thinking like one is the best way of tackling a rack of miniscule bikinis or high-cut one-pieces.
Men, regardless of physiques honed by a diet of beer, baked potatoes and Bubble O’ Bill ice-creams, will happily parade along the foreshore in bathers small enough to disappear into the folds of their stomach, or low-slung boardshorts that reveal enough bottom to make a plumber blush.
Confidence is key and it’s going to stop you from taking the easy way out of avoiding dressing rooms by shopping online. Fit is crucial and that discounted swimsuit arriving in an Express Post package could be tight enough to turn you into a tropical print sausage large enough to look like an expectant garbage bag.
In specialist sores, you’re going to be draw to the LBS (Little Black Swimsuit) in the expectation it will deliver the type of miracles that the LBD (Little Black Dress) performs on a regular basis. While the LBS is perfect for doing laps at your local pool, there is something apologetic about it on the beach. Like swimsuits with fitted skirts, or pool peplums, they draw attention to you lack of courage.
Another trap for those with fitting-room phobias is shapewear swimsuits the smooth down curves and hold in stomachs. The first lesson in the physics department at any credible Swimsuit Institute is that for every flattering action there is an equally unattractive reaction. You flat stomach could come at the cost of backrolls.
Let prints, patterns and your newfound masculine confidence do the work of elastic panels, without the discomfort of attempting to cool off in a glorified corest. Be prepared to rest any reservations you have about nautical stripes or overblown florals. Stripes can add curves to athletic frames while a perfectly placed orchid can draw attention to a drop-dead décolletage and away from a sturdy mid-section. If solid colours are still catching your eye, embrace summer’s love affair with all things, 80s. Scorching hot pinks, blinding yellows and fresh greens that stop just short of neon will get you in the mood to unwrap your towel in front of hundreds of people. Just add Cyndi Lauper, Wham! And Pat Benatar to you summer playlist and you’re ahead of the game.
At the risk of curbing your newfound enthusiasm, don’t get carried away by swimsuits with sequins or details that would be destroyed by contact with chlorine, unless you plan on practicing rhythmic gymnastic routines for Olympic judges.
Finally, don’t forget your legs. When stocking up on swimsuits, some women have a tendency to focus on their breasts with greater attention than a starving six-month-old. Whether it’s covering up or achieving maximum décolletage display, the bust trumps legs. An ill-advised boy-cut can make legs look stumpy or draw attention to the widest part of your thighs. Be brave and explore some of the higher cuts.
Enjoying buying a swimsuit is just like being one of the boy, to a point, unless going topless is your thing… but then we may have to start talking about the birds and the bees again.
Man up and buy a swimsuit
The secret to great togs is man-like confidence and a daring approach to prints, say style guru Damien Woolnough.
Spring has well and truly spring, so it’s time for us to have “The Talk”. I don’t mean the birds and the bees because you should be well and truly across that by now and a convoluted explanation involving pollen and honey is not going to help with the far more uncomfortable and pressing matter of purchasing a knock-out swimsuit.
Before you take to Twitter or start composing an email on what a man would know about the pain, torture and agony of finding the holy grail of lined Lycra that showcases your curves and hides winter wobbly bits, read on, because thinking like one is the best way of tackling a rack of miniscule bikinis or high-cut one-pieces.
Men, regardless of physiques honed by a diet of beer, baked potatoes and Bubble O’ Bill ice-creams, will happily parade along the foreshore in bathers small enough to disappear into the folds of their stomach, or low-slung boardshorts that reveal enough bottom to make a plumber blush.
Confidence is key and it’s going to stop you from taking the easy way out of avoiding dressing rooms by shopping online. Fit is crucial and that discounted swimsuit arriving in an Express Post package could be tight enough to turn you into a tropical print sausage large enough to look like an expectant garbage bag.
In specialist sores, you’re going to be draw to the LBS (Little Black Swimsuit) in the expectation it will deliver the type of miracles that the LBD (Little Black Dress) performs on a regular basis. While the LBS is perfect for doing laps at your local pool, there is something apologetic about it on the beach. Like swimsuits with fitted skirts, or pool peplums, they draw attention to you lack of courage.
Another trap for those with fitting-room phobias is shapewear swimsuits the smooth down curves and hold in stomachs. The first lesson in the physics department at any credible Swimsuit Institute is that for every flattering action there is an equally unattractive reaction. You flat stomach could come at the cost of backrolls.
Let prints, patterns and your newfound masculine confidence do the work of elastic panels, without the discomfort of attempting to cool off in a glorified corest. Be prepared to rest any reservations you have about nautical stripes or overblown florals. Stripes can add curves to athletic frames while a perfectly placed orchid can draw attention to a drop-dead décolletage and away from a sturdy mid-section. If solid colours are still catching your eye, embrace summer’s love affair with all things, 80s. Scorching hot pinks, blinding yellows and fresh greens that stop just short of neon will get you in the mood to unwrap your towel in front of hundreds of people. Just add Cyndi Lauper, Wham! And Pat Benatar to you summer playlist and you’re ahead of the game.
At the risk of curbing your newfound enthusiasm, don’t get carried away by swimsuits with sequins or details that would be destroyed by contact with chlorine, unless you plan on practicing rhythmic gymnastic routines for Olympic judges.
Finally, don’t forget your legs. When stocking up on swimsuits, some women have a tendency to focus on their breasts with greater attention than a starving six-month-old. Whether it’s covering up or achieving maximum décolletage display, the bust trumps legs. An ill-advised boy-cut can make legs look stumpy or draw attention to the widest part of your thighs. Be brave and explore some of the higher cuts.
Enjoying buying a swimsuit is just like being one of the boy, to a point, unless going topless is your thing… but then we may have to start talking about the birds and the bees again.
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