could feel that he'd really given up.
There aren't many pages left.
So I'd just read roughly 50 years worth, huh?
Without any results to show for it, he continued to do nothing but struggle, and the result was that he didn't get anywhere.
Even if he weren't me, he'd probably stop thinking about anything at all due to the weariness.
No, if it were the current me, I might have given up at an even earlier stage.
-----
■
I think I'd better write my research notes separately here as well.
Among my transfer magic research was a certain hypothesis:
『Summoning magic』 and the magic recorded on the Dragon Race wall art. If I modify these two, I might be able to travel to the past.
However, on top of it being theoretical, just transferring back in time a few seconds should take a tremendous amount of mana.
If I leap back in the order of years, just how much mana would I need?
■
I've decided to go to the past.
I have my diary with me.
If I use this diary as the origin, I might be able to return to the moment I wrote this diary.
I'll go back to the time when I was tricked by Hitogami, when I let out that rat, and when I killed Roxy.
I don't know if I'll be able to go.
I don't know what'll happen if I transfer to the past.
I'm aware of the concept known as a 'time paradox'.
■
There are a lot of things I'm uneasy about.
Will it be a time slip or a time leap?[7]
If it's a time slip, what is it that I should tell them?
I should tell them about the Magic Stone Disease, about Eris, and then about Hitogami.
Will I be able to get it across to them?
Will the me in the past believe that I came from the future?
If it's a time leap, how should I face Sylphy and Roxy?
I want to see them once again. I want to meet them again. I want to apologize to them.
But when I think that I'll overwrite the consciousness of the me from when I was happy...
Should I conduct more experiments regarding this point?
Considering that I don't know if I'll cause a time paradox, I feel that it'd be best not to experiment too much.
There's also the possibility that if I go back a few days, only my consciousness travels there and I leave my memory behind.
It's possible that I'd continue to loop meaninglessly, unable to even die, and continue to live in this world...
In that case, at the very least... Sylphy and Roxy one last time...
No, I guess it's fine.
Let's stop thinking about the difficult things.
I don't have anything left anyway.
I couldn't accomplish a thing. I've become a worthless man.
Even if I fail and it becomes the cause for some other incident, I don't care.
I'm already fine with whatever.
But if I manage to succeed, then... I might give Hitogami a hell of a shock.
-----
The diary stops there. He probably leapt to me after that. He probably realized he didn't have enough mana at that point.
I don't understand the theory behind his slight failure to leap to the past using teleport magic. In the first place, based purely on what I've read, wouldn't he have been fine with mana consumption had he just leapt to the past bit by bit? I wonder if it's because he was senile that he didn't realize that.
No, that's probably not it, huh.
The me from that time definitely had confidence in his mana pool. The thought that he didn't have enough might not have even crossed his mind.
But somehow or other, I understood just what I needed to; if I don't want to become like this, I must take action.
"I've returned."
The moment I thought that, I heard Roxy's voice from the entrance.
The things that I can do right now...
First, I'll have a discussion with Sylphy and Roxy tonight.
About Eris, as well as what to do from now on.