what I am doing—sitting down, listening to music, writing. I can want things to be
exactly as they are. In this sense, desire is best understood, not as craving, but as
attachment or clinging (upādāna). We crave the things we don’t have but cling to
the things we do.
Just as it is possible to appreciate something that comes into our lives without
previously craving it, it is also possible to appreciate something that we already
have without clinging to it. And we’re better off if we don’t, because attachment is
inextricably tied to fear, worry, heartbreak, and other conflictive emotions. I fear
the loss of anything I cling to as “I” or “mine.” Because I cling to a self, I fear its
extinction. Because I cling to life, I fear death. I cling to my family, my material
possessions, and my pets. Because of this, I fear losing them. When a loved one
dies or a relationship ends, I can be heartbroken. Because I cling to my physical
possessions, I worry that they might be stolen, damaged, or destroyed. The loss or
destruction of a cherished possession can be a devastating one. It is not just that
such losses occasionally occur; such losses are inevitable because all things are
impermanent. Buddhism teaches that it is only by recognizing the three marks of
existence—that all things are impermanent, that there is literally nothing to cling
to, and that possessing things is not a source of the satisfaction we seek—that we
can rid ourselves of the suffering that arises from attachment.