Focus on Your Words
As you reread your draft, think about the actual words you use. Aim to
select words that satisfy the principle of FURY. You’ll recall that the principle
of FURY recommends that you choose words that are familiar to
your readers, unless the word in question is a unique term (such as industry
jargon), rich, or your favorite.
EXERCISE 35: Select Words with FURY
As you review both your draft and Brad’s, think about what vocabulary
is most familiar to people who aren’t risk management experts. Also,
consider whether you and Brad are using unique words or concepts
that could be more simply stated. Revise the drafts with the principle
of FURY in mind.
Did you find that you replaced many words? Read Brad’s revision followed
by his comments.
After careful comparison of the three site options, the bottom line is that
the best choice for our new factory is Georgia. My analysis used proprietary
stochastic simulation techniques, incorporating data collected from
over one hundred sources, from the government and other public sources
to interviews. To get a fresh view, one of my assistants met with a risk manager
with no knowledge of the risks involved in doing business in either
Florida or Georgia. Designing the model required creativity and diligence.
All data is tested and proven by fact checkers verifying the information
from additional sources. Objective too. Let me answer—anticipate—questions
I think you’re going to want to know the answers to.
Q: What data did you collect?
A: I collected over five hundred separate facts from all sorts of data
sources.
Q: Why is Georgia a better choice than Florida or Illinois?
A: It’s lower risk overall and in key specific areas including weather, transport
and available labor as well as a positive labor climate.
Q: What’s the most compelling benefit of choosing Georgia?
A: Diversification. We need to lessen our exposure to potential prob-