That day.
I went back to the dorms, and fell on the bed.
Various emotions were jumbled up inside me.
Bitterness. Sadness. Helplessness. Anger.
My feelings became tears that overflowed.
After a while, Melissa-senpai came back.
She kindly asked me, who was crying, what was wrong.
I rejected her, saying nothing was wrong, and covered myself with my blanket.
What is it that I should do?
Is my attitude towards my brother a mistake?
...I see.
Maybe my brother was not a person that I had first imagined him to be.
That day, the day when my brother hit my father.
I was very young.
After that, no matter how many times my father said, "Your brother also had it tough," I was unable to understand.
But right now, especially right now, I was able to understand a little of how he felt.
Because, right now, it's painful.
Being here, doing my best, doing things to my utmost effort.
Being full of energy, and then being told, [You were just playing around without a care, right?]
Even I would have become angry.
Even if it was my father, we would have gotten into a fight.
But, that being the case.
What kind of face should I show to my brother?
What did my brother want me to do?
How did my brother and my father make up?
Think.
Think.
My stomach was in pain.
As if the area below my chest was squeezing tightly.
I became nauseous.
I passed the time curled in bed.
I couldn't do anything.
Just merely facing my brother, I couldn't do it.
In times like these, it was always my father that came to the rescue.
Whenever I curled in bed from hateful things, my father would come and gently comfort me.
When I separated from my father, it was Ruijerd.
He would place me on his lap, and while patting my head, he would talk about various things.
Here, I have nobody.
Melissa-senpai had helped me a lot.
However, she's not an ally.
[Let's go see your brother], or [You should show up in class.]
She was saying those things.
I understand them.
But my body refuses to move.
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Part 5[แก้ไข]
I wonder how long it has been since I became troubled.
Thinking, getting tired, then sleeping.
While repeating these actions, it felt like many days have passed.
I sat at the end of the bed.
When I realized, I saw my brother in front of me.
He sat on a chair, his elbows on the backrest.
Then he looked fixedly at me.
"Norn."
"Brother."
For the first time, it felt like I called my brother "Brother".
[1]
Many things came into my head.
This didn't seem like an illusion.
This is the girl's dormitory.
Why is he here?
I was confused.
My brother was fixing his gaze at me who was confused.
We looked at each other for a while.
Like this, it may have been the first time I truly looked at my brother's face.
It was a face of anxiety.
It looked a lot like my father.
A face that gave me a peace of mind.
Of course, since they're father and son.
"Norn. I'm sorry. It's been painful ever since you came here, right?"
My brother opened his mouth quietly.
"I, didn't know what you were going through. Even though things became like this, I don't know what to do."
My brother was saying these things with an uneasy face.
A figure that looked exactly like my father.
"..."
And since then, my brother did not move at all.
He looked at me uneasily.
But, he never moved from his seat.
If it was my father, he would hug me without restraint,
And if it was Ruijerd-san, I would likely be patted on the head.
However, my brother does not approach me.
"Ah..."
For some reason.
I understood.
He couldn't approach me.
He was scared of being rejected by me.
When I thought that, the feelings inside me mysteriously cleared up.
The feelings of hatred and fear towards my brother never gushed forth.
I no longer felt afraid.
My brother was just like my father.
My brother, would definitely not hit me.
And surely, he would never again hit my father.
"...Uuu..."
I have to forgive my brother.
"U...hic..."
Before I realized, tears were welling up and dropping
My throat trembled, and I began to cry.
"I'm sorry, brother...I'm sorry."