The truth was that it all boiled down to maturity or a lack of it. Instead of handling the situation like an adult should I decided to “become the victim” and create a fight every time I would talk to my ex. For some reason fighting gave me this sense of control.
I had lost control of the relationship and viewed myself as a failure. Even now when I look back at some of the mistakes I made I cringe and I feel like I was a completely different person. I think at the time I even knew that. So, instead of manning up and admitting my own shortcomings as a boyfriend I decided to take the cowards approach and give myself a way to become the “victim” when I really didn’t feel like one.
Thus, I would find a way to fight with my ex even when she was just trying to be nice and check up on me.
Looking back it was a really rotten and insecure thing to do but I actually don’t regret the experience. Sure, I was definitely in the wrong with how I acted during the breakup but it allowed me to truly be honest with myself and make some major changes in my life.