(To believe in what I want to believe in. I wonder… what is it that I want to believe in? One of the things is that I want all of the students to return to Japan. However, it’s something that can no longer be fulfilled. Now what I want to believe in is for it to be possible to return home without any more losses…
His story. His story where a classmate tried to kill him. I do not want to believe it… he even said he will kill us if we were to become a hindrance to him. Towards a human who unhesitatingly murdered a person… Towards the enemy who threatened the students…
Even so, I do not want to believe it. Nevertheless, he actually killed him… killed Shimizu-kun without any hint of hesitation. That’s why he’s already… no, I must believe in what I want to believe in.)
Aiko closed her eyes as she tried to hold down the resurfaced dark feelings. The surrounding people were anxiously looking at her as she moved slightly while thinking of something.
(‘Because he’s an enemy’ is what he said, and ‘I have no time for that’. He also feared Shimizu-kun will once again attack him and his important people if he let him live. That was something anyone would have thought of.
In reality, Yue-san and Shia-san wouldn’t put so much trust in him if he was a cruel man. He only wanted to cut off the source of anxiety for the future of those children… It was why he couldn’t let him live. In other words, he thought I wouldn’t be able to do anything about Shimizu-kun…
To let Shimizu-kun live would mean I should have at least showed him I could reform Shimizu-kun, in which I didn’t… In the end, I was powerless… Shimizu-kun was… Even so, to be killed in that manner… It meant Shimizu-kun was already weakene—… Kh.)
There was a clear reason why Hajime shot Shimizu dead. He was not a broken human who would think nothing of murder. He was not a monster who couldn’t be understood. He wasn’t an enemy who blindly harm the students. Aiko decided to believe in him because he was a ‘student’, and her words could still reach him. With such thinking process, she recalled the shocking scene where a student shot another student to death, and she tried to search for the reason behind it.
(That’s right. I had forgotten it until now. To begin with, I was the one who asked him to help the dying Shimizu-kun, and that was the result. Shimizu-kun would have died even if he didn’t do anything. It was completely unnecessary for him to purposely shoot him! So why?! Why did he do that?! To make sure he dies? No, there’s no need for him to do such a thing. That child only had a few minutes left to live, it was why I asked him for his help, but there’s nothing more left to be done. After all, there was nothing I could do… Shimizu-kun was shot because of me— Kh!?)
Aiko opened her eyes widel She was aghast by the truth she had just noticed.
(… That’s right. Shimizu-kun received the wound from the attack aimed at me. If nothing was done during that time, I would have surely died. It was my fault he had to die! But everyone was convinced Shimizu-kun was killed by him! He was the one who convinced us of it!)
It was her fault, it was her who killed her own student. Just like Hajime feared, Aiko finally realized the truth and paled in an instant. The existence of her students were Aiko’s supporting pillars. The fact that she was the cause of one of her student’s death broke Aiko’s mind. The impact of the fact made her mind unintentionally turn on its defensive mechanism, and Aiko’s mind blanked out. With her outlook wrapped in darkness, she thought of giving herself to the darkness. However, the words Hajime left behind revived her mind.
“If possible, please don’t get demoralized.”
At that time, her mind didn’t understand it because of consecutive impacts. Even though it was troublesome to think well of the meaning behind those words, they were simple words if she thought hard enough.
(If, if he said those words because he had predicted my situation… Wasn’t he worrying about me?… I, he noticed I would break down because I realized I was the cause of Shimizu-kun’s death. That was the reason why… he unnecessarily shot him… to convince us it was he who killed him… so I wouldn’t be crushed by guilt… to keep being a teacher…)
Aiko understood Hajime’s sense of values. Therefore, she didn’t think it was done entirely for her sake. Even so, there’s no denying Hajime had rushed into action because he thought of Aiko. The closing of the door in Aiko’s mind was immediately stopped right before it completely shut, and it began to slowly open once again. Her narrowed view once again broadened. Though there was still the cold feeling like one of the coldest season inside her mind, but at the same time, there certainly was a small fire present.
(Looks like I was being protected by him… No, not only him, but a lot of people have protected me. The children by my side are protecting me even now. I only thought of protecting him, but I didn’t realize I was also being protected… How immature of me. That’s now’s not the right time for me to keep trying to be independent…)
Aiko wore a resolute expression. However, her thoughts involving Shimizu-kun and the fact that she was the reason he was killed wouldn’t disappear for the rest of her life. Even so, she couldn’t just stand still because there were students who adored and relied on her as their teacher; she didn’t want to. Aiko renewed her vow to do the things she could do as a ‘teacher’, even if the world had changed. In addition, she also engraved in her mind to not let her current ideals be shaken. There is already, without a doubt, fear or grudge against Hajime.