How First Impressions Are Formed
You're in the waiting room at your dentist's office. A woman walks in and takes a seat next to you. She smiles and strikes up a conversation. She talks about the People magazine cover story, and comments on how quiet the waiting room tends to be -- considering what's going on inside. She asks you about yourself and tells you a story about something that happened to her earlier in the day. You realize that you really enjoy this woman's company; she's fun and easy to talk to. You can imagine being friends with her. Ten minutes later you are called into the office, and you say goodbye.
Have you ever had a similar encounter? One where you met someone very briefly and were left with the feeling that you had a sense of that person? Just by the way she spoke and how she responded to you, you got a feeling about who she is. Maybe you imagined you knew her lifestyle or values, could predict what she is like in other situations, and had a good idea of whether you'd enjoy her company in the future. From a brief interaction you created a rich understanding of someone you just met.
How did this happen? How did you take a small amount of information and create a much larger picture? Knowing the psychology of first impressions -- how it works and how you can use it -- can give you a guide to deciding how you want to present yourself.
In a first impression, others see only a little sample of you, a tiny percentage of your life. But to them, that sample represents 100 percent of what they know of you. While you've had a lifetime of experiences with yourself -- you know the full range of your emotions, behaviors, passions and fears -- strangers don't know anything about you at all. That tiny sample of you is all they have to work with, yet they will unconsciously assume that the sample is an accurate representation of all of you.
Think about the woman from the dentist's office that we just introduced. She was chatty, lively and observant. At that moment. But because that's the only experience you have with her, you will assume that is how she'd be all the time. Why would you think any differently?
Psychological research has shown that people weigh initial information much more heavily than later information when they evaluate people. It's a simple fact: The first information people get about anything -- a person, a place, an idea -- influences the way they process later information. In other words, people are more likely to believe that the first things they learn are the truth.
For example, if you show a warm interest in people on a first meeting, as the woman in the waiting room did, they may form an impression of you as an engaging and connecting person, and not notice or not care later if you are distracted or self-absorbed. Negative initial information is weighted even more heavily. If you initially appear distracted and self-absorbed, others may ignore your later warmth and interest for a very long time. It can take many positive behaviors to overcome the impact of one initial negative behavior.
THE FILTER
A first impression is like a filter. Here's how others form an image of you:
1. People take in initial information -- they notice your body language, what you say and how you respond.
2. Based on this initial information, they form an impression and make decisions about what you are like and how they expect you to behave in the future.
3. They then see you through this filter. Everyone likes to think they are a good judge of character, and think "I knew from the first moment I met him that he was . . ." They seek information that is consistent with their first impression and will not look for, or even will ignore, behavior that doesn't fit their impression of you.