When I send you this I'll already be at the airport. Sadly, its already time for me to leave, so I thought i should clear up my feelings a bit. At least I wont feel so low.
I truly believe that happiness is the consequence of our personal efforts. We have to fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes do everything it takes to earn it. I'm determine to be happy. My happiness have you in it, however, two can play at this game. In a year time, when I'm back full-time, I really do hope that your happiness will include me as well.
I'm very persistent, aren't I? I know its not something a girl should be doing, but I don't think there's any rules to be followed regarding the matter of the heart. You probably know a lot more about love than I do anyway.
Truthfully, I have forgone my dignity when I realized I fell for you. Everything that happened, only happened because my feelings for you are real. I don't regret that night and I don't regret my feelings for you. I just need to make sure that you know that I only wanted to spend time with you as I have been trying to do so for the past few months. I gave up on trying to get you to hangout. And as that night was the only way to meet, I decided to act upon my hope not my fear. I didn't do it just because I was curious.
(On a lighter note, I'm glad your my first though. I know I'm not even close to being good in bed and I kinda wanna kick myself for that. Its easier to learn the theory than the practical. Your apprentice still have lots to learn.)
Regardless of all that, I want you to know that I'm convicted to my decision. I know that I should never let someone neglect me and take me for granted, so just one year. Since you're my childhood crush and I already invested a little over a year, I might as well wait another year. As you already know, Im not the kind of girl to give up easily. Whatever that is we have, I really don't want it to end. Im just asking for a bit more.
People shouldn't just give up on love right? I know I might get my heart broken, but at least it means that I have tried. I don't fantasize a happily ever after, this is real life. Why are you so convinced that your not ready to settle down? Afraid of losing your freedom and someone changing your routine life? I already risk everything I have for this relationship. Everyone is fucked up in their own ways.
You've once said your not rejecting me. Is that statement still true? You might think I'm stubborn, but thats fine. In a year, I really need to get a straightforward yes or no answer in order to let you go.
Sometimes I wish we just met randomly, that you don't know my dad, and that we don't share the same circle of acquaintances. Maybe things would be different.
You know I still have a hard time grasping your "doo doo gun"...your actions have been literally doo doo gun. Besides all these drama, you will always be a friend and a safe haven - for me that wont change.
Stop frowning. I know this piece of writing is giving you something to think about and thats exactly my intention. Im not a mind reader and you've been very difficult to read. Until we meet again, take care! I'll miss you. If i work and earn enough, I'll come back during the summer.