ver the years, I’ve had people say to me, “Oh, you must be so proud of him/her!” referring to whichever of my child’s accomplishments they happen to be noticing in the moment. And each time it catches me off-guard—it’s not my accomplishment. To give me any credit seems to downplay the often intense effort they have put into the deed at hand. I usually reply along the lines of, “Yes, I’m so happy for them!” Maybe I add, “They’ve worked so hard.”
And I am very excited! For them. I am happy that they are doing what they love to do and that their effort is paying off along the way. To my child I might say, “That’s awesome! I’m so happy for you!” or “Way to go!” I celebrate their accomplishment with them—it’s not about me.
Unschooling parents are more likely to see the situation from the child’s perspective, instead of thinking about how their child’s actions make them feel. Instead of thinking “I’m proud”, they think “my child must be thrilled!” It’s the same when things go awry, like we were talking about earlier this month (When You Want To Fix Things For Your Child). We commiserate with their disappointment, but we don’t wear it personally. If as parents we get so invested in our children’s lives that we take on their actions as our own, we can set up a codependency of sorts. Where our own joys and sorrows are dependent on our child’s joys and sorrows—and vice versa. Where neither of us are our own, independent selves. That’s not our goal as parents.
- See more at: http://livingjoyfully.ca/blog/2014/02/im-so-proud-of-you/#sthash.2S7ywKnS.dpuf