I’m a sucker for washed up has-beens in any kind of fiction, and Michael’s the epitome of that. He’s a bloated shambles, spending his days drinking scotch by the pool and listening to Phil Collins. But then he has a mid-life crisis and starts trying to relive his glory days as a professional criminal, and I love going on that journey with him. The moments where he trades blows with his family are as entertaining as any of the missions, and the complete lack of respect they have for him results in some hilarious moments—like being drugged by his son and having a psychedelic freakout. Michael’s an asshole (everyone in GTA is), but he’s one of the most unique, unglamorous protagonists in the series so far.
Worst: Vladimir Glebov (Grand Theft Auto IV)
As much as I love IV, Niko encounters a lot of bland potato-headed gangsters, and Vlad is one of the worst. Roman’s in debt with this Russian mob boss, and you end up working for him to pay it off. He’s an obnoxious, humourless lump of angry meat, constantly calling Niko a peasant and generally being an unpleasant jerk. Of course, that’s the idea. He’s one of the first ‘villains’ you encounter when you first arrive in Liberty City, and I took great pleasure in murdering him under the Algonquin Bridge. There are so many vivid, colourful characters in the Grand Theft Auto series that guys like this are somehow even more unlikeable.