1. Focus on what is working, not on what isn’t. We often hear about the importance of working through negative issues in relationships. Like Orbuch writes in her book, it’s common for experts to ask couples to consider what’s going wrong in their relationship.
While addressing problems in your relationship is critical, strengthening the positives may be even more so. According to Orbuch’s study, couples who “focus[ed] and talk[ed] about the positives were the happiest and most likely to be together over time.”
She writes in her book that “…introducing positive behaviors into the marriage is a far more effective way to produce meaningful and lasting change.” As Orbuch says, focusing on fortifying what’s going well “motivates us to continue to move forward.”
It’s important for couples to reduce problems, but Orbuch writes that “if you have a decent marriage to begin with, it is so much easier and more effective to focus on making small, positive behavioral changes.”