Is it better to tell hurtful truths or comforting lies to the ones you love? Why?
50 ANSWERS
Marcus Geduld
Marcus Geduld, Former dateless nerd, now 20 years into a relationship.
Written 15 Mar
One of the worst relationship mistakes you can make is to rely on heuristics, such as always lie or alway tell the truth. We need to do this with people in general, because we meet lots of them every day, and we don't have time to make in-depth decisions about all of our interactions with them. That's when heuristics are handy.
Whereas in close relationships, it's much better to make an informed judgement call in each new situation, based on the people involved and the situation itself.
Of course you need to bring your values into play. I prize honesty, and my close relationships are founded on it. Still, I don't follow dogmatic rules with people I care about. I owe them personalized, situational treatment.
If your wife has a day to live, she asks you if you thinks she's beautiful, and the truth is you don't, should you tell her the truth? There's no one-size-fits-all answer. Knowing what you know about your wife, would she want to know the truth? Would the truth benefit her or cause her unnecessary pain?