Boy We were sitting in the kitchen having lunch,
Me, Mom and Dad.
The teenager wasn’t with us.
She was in her room. With the pilot. Her boyfriend. She’s not hungry. She’s fat.
And then Mom said to Dad:
Mother Well?
Boy And Dad said to Mom:
Father Well, what?
Boy And Mom said to Dad:
Mother Say it.
Boy And Dad said to Mom:
Father What’s to say?
Boy And Mom said to Dad:
Mother Either you say it or I will.
Boy And Dad said to Mom:
Father I’ve got nothing to say.
Boy And Mom said to Dad:
Mother Tell him about Dinah the teacher.
Boy And Dad said to Mom:
Father You tell him about Dinah the teacher.
Boy And Mom said to Dad:
Mother Monster.
Boy And Dad said:
Father Shut up already.
Boy Mom said to Dad:
Mother You shut up.
Boy And Dad said to Mom:
Father I should shut up?
Boy And Mom said to Dad:
Mother You shut up.
Boy And Dad said to Mom:
Father You shut up
Boy And Mom said to Dad:
Mother We’ll all shut up.
Boy There was silence. Nobody had anything to say. They actually had a lot to
say but they preferred not so say it to each other, and then Dad said:
Father Son, do you remember always saying you wanted a little brother?
Boy A dog.
Father Don’t you remember always saying you wanted a little brother?
Boy A dog, I said I want a dog.
Father To hit?
Boy A dog, I said I want a dog.
Father Well, here’s the thing. From today you’ve got a little brother. You can go
to the mirror and congratulate yourself. You’ve got a little, three year old
brother.
Boy What do you mean?
Mother It means that your father is leaving today.
Father Not so fast.
Mother Much faster.
Boy Where’s the brother?
Mother At school.
Boy What’s he doing at school?
Mother He’s with his mother.
Boy But you said he’s three.
Mother He’s a genius.
(Silence)
Haven’t you got any homework, son?
Boy Yes.
Mother So go to your room and do it.
Boy But I’ve got to write an essay bout my family.
Mother To give to Dinah the teacher?
Boy Yes.
Mother Then write about Dad. Dinah the teacher likes Dad.
Boy I know.
Mother How do you know?
Father How do you know?
Boy All the teachers like Dad. Even Mary says he’s cute.
Mother Mary who?
Boy Mary the secretary.
Mother Mary the cow?
Father (Unwittingly) She’s not a cow.
Boy She’s not a cow.
Mother Maybe she’s not be a cow but she is an animal.
Father She is?
Mother Yes.
Father All right. I’m going. But remember, I’m not… and also… and also… and
never… in my life… in my life… never…
(The Father exits. Enter the teenage Girl, and bumps into her father)
Boy Enter the teenager.
Girl Where’s Dad going?
Mother He left.
Girl Just like that? You threw him out?
Mother He went by himself.
Girl Yeah, right. What did you say to him?
Mother Fix your blouse.
Girl Don’t want to.
(The teenage Girl sits down. Enter the Pilot)
Pilot Hello.
Mother Hello to the pilot.
Pilot Hello to the mother.
(The Pilot moves to the teenage Girl and caresses her from behind)
Girl Stop it.
Pilot What’s the matter?
Girl I’m